Weekend Recap - Rodents of Unusual Size

Yep - this is my view.  All day.  Monday morning is here again, and it's isn't pretty.  Actually, it IS pretty cute... as kitty goes from sleeping on my feet, to batting at my knees, to pacing back and forth in front of my work screen.  I'm lucky to be working from home today (we have a car in the shop).  After another banner weekend and very little sleep I'm not much fit for human company.  At least, of the professional kind...

It was a big weekend in the Cupcake Tri household.  On Saturday, I woke early and biked up to Gypsy's house.  It is a good thing that I love Gypsy as my very best tri training buddy, because although she lives only just under 5 miles away, she is up one very big hill and down one equally big hill to get to her house.  Living at the bottom of said hill, there is literally no way to leave her house that doesn't involve your quads burning.  So there's that. 

We tried a new adventure - packing up our swim gear in backpacks and biking to a new swimming spot.  I opted for the lighter approach with no wetsuit, since swimming has been feeling a bit "off" for me lately.  I've not had a pool session in several months, and the "cheating" aspect of the wetsuit buoyancy has somewhat impaired my swimming ability (or lack thereof).  Gypsy, however, in terror of the possibility of anything "critter" touching her biked with a full poofy school backpack with wetsuit in tow.

 

Around the 15 mile mark (for me), we reached out new watering hole.  I locked our bikes onto a tree and we shimmied into our swim stuff.  Really, I was wearing a tri suit, so I jumped in the water escaping the hordes of bloodthirsty mosquitos while Gypsy pulled her wetsuit.

Our new (to us) pond was lovely.  Clear and picturesque, with several enticing islands in the middle... if we could only swim that far.  That proved to be my downfall, as I was correct.  Without a wetsuit, I don't swim so good.  Gypsy is naturally a much stronger swimmer, being a competitive swimmer in her youth.  She is great about pacing me.  She tried to show me some recovery strokes (I don't really know how to do breast stroke or anything else).  I gamely did my best but my bum and legs were sinking and I was sucking wind.  Around the time I decided to kick it in and turn around, Gypsy spied a beaver lodge a good 1/2 mile away.

"Is that a beaver lodge??"  Me:  "Yeah...."  Gypsy: "Do they bite???"  Me: "Yes, their favorite food is human flesh...."  Her: "Oh my god I'm leaving!  They can get you because I'm so much faster!"  Gypsy sprints to the swim out, leaving me in the middle of the lake. 

But only for a little bit.  She stopped and waited for me, and I learned that once again, my sarcasm isn't always totally appreciated.  Funny about training with someone - after a while you know eachother so well there's not much territory that doesn't get hauled over - including teasing.  Gypsy is usually painfully tactful about her stronger swimming and running abilities, so her blatant abandonment of me to flesh eating aquatic rodents was that much more humorous....  I decided to NOT share with her that we'd seen a 4 foot beaver crossing the road on our way to the local hiking mountain just last week....

Once safely on land and neither drowned or devoured, the plan was to bike back home.  We ended up taking a wrong turn (my fault), so rounded out the bike ride at about 25 miles total.  It was Gypsy's little's birthday party in the afternoon, so we both switched back to Mommy mode to get all small things ready....

Sunday morning I had to myself.  Rather, I had an hour to myself, and I decided to get a benchmark run in.  It's been a few weeks since my cortisone shot.  I've been running mostly intervals of jogging and walking, but have recently started spacing them out a bit more, and I wanted to see what I was capable of.  My town doesn't really "do" flat, as you'd like for a perfect time trial, so I went to the rail trail - the closest thing we have to a flat space.  It's actually a gentle grade - down and up.  I had meant to do about 2 miles downhill, 2 uphill (back) and then 2 miles down again (turning around), but I got distracted by an extension of the trail. I ended up running 3 miles down at a paces near the 9:30s, and back up at paces above 10.  Alas, I finished the 6.2 in 1:03:42.  Not the sub-hour I was hoping for.  But I did treat myself to an account at Audible.com and started listening to Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn.  I am a huge bookworm, and I've been waiting for this title to come in to the library for literally months.  No more - now I get to listen while I run!  Or drive, or whatever.

 

On the non-training fornt, I've had some small successes as well.  I was all worked up by my post about strawberry cupcakes last week, but rather than making cupcakes (not healthy), at my friend Hummingbird's suggestion I spun the craving into some whole wheat almond strawberry muffins.  My kitchen helpers contributed to their creation, and they fed the family all weekend.  I used this recipe, substituting Greek yogurt for the milk (more protein) and frozen strawberries for the fresh.  Next time I make them I'll cut the sugar even more as they were a bit sweet.

 

Little Yoda helps out

Beans 'n' greens, plus baby carrots from our garden

 

I also made dinner both nights, using some vegetable from our garden (the first of the carrots), some peas.... overnight Little Yoda's cherry tomato plants have gone from tiny to Godzilla sized proportions.  I need a good solid afternoon just to try to reign them in somehow, and separate the cucumbers out of them as well.  Which will likely not happen..... anyway cooking and actually putting into place a meal plan for the coming week always feels like a victory.

 

In the afternoon yesterday we met Legos and her gang at a local state park for swimming and kayaking.  We had hoped to get in an open water swim practice, as Legos is doing her first sprint triathlon, the IronGirl, this coming weekend, but it was too windy and wavy and the part of the park that it was allowed in was closed.  So we did regular swimming with the kids and kayaked around.  My little guy learned to paddle and is actually pretty good for a 5 year old.  I think I see kid kayaks joining our fleet in the very near future....

 

Little Dude paddles the Jedi into the sand

Practicing setting up our tents in the side yard

 

Next week, if I can survive the massive piles of work between me and then (oh and that little sprint tri I have going....) the family is travelling to Lake Placid for a few days.  My coach is racing IMLP and I decided to take the opportunity to gather together a bunch of our friends and call it a high school reunion.  There's the promise of lots of hiking, rafting(?) and other outdoor adventures with the littles, so camping and hiking training continues on! 

 

I truly feel like I could use one weekend for the kids and their stuff, one weekend for my big training workouts, one weekend to catch up on house stuff (like the Attack of the Killer Tomatoes), and one weekend to catch up on work.  Maybe even a day to relax....

 

But none of that is occurring, so.... how was your weekend?  Any tomato tips?  Favorite recipes?  Because I'm gonna need them!

In Front of the Mirror - Goals

It a whole new month.  July 1st (ok now it's the 3rd - close enough).  I finished my first Oly and now the summer looms before me, ripe with the promise of.... what?  What is it about achieving milestones that throws into relief just how many things you haven't achieved yet??  And why is it that, no matter what I do in terms of athletics, dress, hairstyles, etc. whenever I look in the mirror I see a thirtysomething Mom looking back?  I'm not lamenting my status parentus, but it still a little odd to have this little critters that look up to me as the center of all wisdom, and to have my twenties (and the body that went with them) wander away while I was building a family and a career.  And a house.  And pets.  And... lots of other stuff.

Ok - focus.  Back to goals.  I could work on my hill climbing on the bike.  I got a cadence monitor that should come in the mail today.  I could start interval training and such things that my more serious triathlete friends seem to do to get faster.  The big hill in the bike course at NE Trifest pretty well killed my speed.  So that could be good.  But my next race's bike course is pancake flat, so... hmm.  

These jars look great by Pinterest standards,
but contain <400 calories, which isn't enough for lunch.
Learned the hard way.

Ok, so how about I go back to trying to rid self of a few pounds.  My BMI is smack dab in the midst of the healthy range, but the endurance athlete lifestyle isn't actually very good for ridding oneself of a mom-like shape.  High protein?  Low carb is out - every time I mess with my diet I make myself dizzy and sick. Courtney Cynthia and I decided to take on nutrition as next week's #TriTalkTuesday topic, so I'll be soliciting advise from readers then.  So far I made it exactly one day before getting so hypoglycemic I crashed on the couch and watched 3 episode of Glee in a row while eating strawberries and Nutella.  Not the best plan, surely....

I really should do my PT more often... maybe some weight training.  Yes!  Weights are good.  Now when exactly can I fit that in??

I really want a Garmin Vivofit... mostly because Rio and her husband got them at the Raleigh expo back in April and I didn't.  I like toys, and I like data.  Staring at data is a substitute for actually exercising, right??

I'd have arms like hers... just by wearing the thing....
boobs look good too...

Maybe I should be focusing more on the kids.  After all, I've been blowing them off a lot to train.  Plus working.  Just because my job sustains and feeds the entire family and they are well taken care of by their father doesn't mean that I shouldn't feel bad at all times for neglecting them. (Sarcasm folks.  But still sadly true)  After all, my son is routinely so incredibly clinging that I have nightmares about him actually trying to crawl back into the womb.  That must mean something....

Not my photo, not my daughter.
Having a kid this well dressed and
coiffed would be a challenge

Our town's fireworks were rescheduled due to the storm.  I'm actually relieved by this.  I feel I need a few more days to gather the needed strength to get them all dressed up and sit in a burning hot fields for hours waiting for the fireworks, and then carrying 100 lbs of tired children through the mob back to the car.  In an effort to be smart, I got the kids each a pair of 4th of July pajamas yesterday to wear to the fireworks, mistakenly thinking this would be good because they would be comfortable and bed-ready.  In reality, this made them cry super big wailing sobs.  He liked hers, she likes his.  I can't even get my daughter to stop flossing with pieces of her hair (really), much less into a cute little getup with ribbons.  Enough of this parenting stuff - it's a losing battle.

What about my career?  Well there's a whole other area.  The last few months have been pretty career heavy, in terms of next steps (sad to say I still can't share the whole story), taking on some extra work, and my semester starting.  I should be a more focused worker...

Or this blog!!!  Heck I'm not even self-hosted.  I've not had a giveaway in ages and I'm pretty sure the only people that read it are my close friends.  Who are gonna stop after this long babbling post.  I should really work on becoming a "real" blogger....

My point of all of this is that I'm driving myself crazy.  I'm feeling jealous of my training partners who don't have children.  Or who don't have jobs.  Or both(?)  Even though I know that I'm oversimplifying their lives and choices by envying them.  I'm feeling like any goal I do try for is gonna get railroaded within its infancy by work, by illness (mine or my family's), by my complete lack of ability to get up before 6:30 am.



Girls Gone Sporty posted a fabulous article about "When Fitspiration Goes Wrong".  I loved it.  Go read it now.  In the world of Pinterest and social media, it is so easy to feel less than "good enough" if you aren't making your own organic salads from greens you grew yourself, entertaining your preschoolers with hand-woven felted wool playthings that also teach match skills, and having a washboard stomach while doing it all.  Take all that and add in triathlon and it's a serious amount of pressure.  Self-pressure, but still pressure.



Today I worked, kept my kids alive, went for a short run (or didn't - rest days are good too!), and breathed some air.  Maybe my goal for July will be more of "What did YOU do today?" being this:

Or maybe I'll buy myself a Vivofit.  Does anyone have one??

**Update**  I just had to try.  One goal done!  hehehehe... she is fun.  

My kid.  My work.  Cutie!

School's out!

It's summer vacation!!!  

Well, that is, it's summer vacation for everyone but me.  But that's ok - a break from the endless backpack packings, dance recitals, games, and remembering which day my daughter is supposed to wear silly socks is welcome.  The last few weeks have been extremely hectic (hence me dropping this week's TriTalk Tuesday post - sorry all!).  To make the end of school hustle even worse, my work scheduled all-day business meetings the last 2 weeks.  My husband has been felled with killer poison ivy, so lots of extra house stuff is on my shoulders.  Aaaaand I was finishing up my last big workouts before the New England Trifest Oly next weekend.  Whew.

Saturday - 18 mile bike and 4 mile brick run w Gypsy

Sunday - 3.5 mile run with kids in jogging stroller (best I could do Jedi was sick)

Monday - 1.1 mile open water swim with Gypsy and Gil

Tuesday - 5 mile run with every mosquito in the world

Wednesday - 25 mile bike with Gypsy, a porcupine, and a coyote (really!)

My helper at work today

 On the athlete front - I'm good.  Hip is okayish, if I can just get rested and hydrated I'll be ready for the race.  On the life side... well.  Yeah.  Jedi is having a tough time so I've been doing double duty at work/kids/cooking etc.

I have a tendency to overdo things.  To push too hard, and do too much.  Across the board.  So with the start of summer, I'm really feeling the urge to pull back.  To let this blog go a bit (so apologies in advance if I'm quiet).  To put up the kiddie pool, stock up on popsicles (the cheap HFCS kind), feed my kids hot dogs for as many nights as they will stand it.  No summer camps.  No plans.  Just a hammock, a pool or sprinkler, some books, and summer.

I will not make special organic home-made popsicles.  The summer reading list is on the fridge - a library card will be a primary source of entertainment.  Roasting marshmallows and camping in the yard.  I will take my kids berry picking, but only when we feel like it.  Hiking will be ad hoc.  I may even toss my last Oly of the season and throw myself out to my girlfriends as a tag-along for their training plans (since they've suffered through so many of mine).

Because isn't that was summer is for???

Sadly my hammock broke right after I took this picture.
So that's one goal - go to hardware store and fix hammock!

What are your summer plans??

The Thoughts We Carry With Us

Most people are familiar with the phrase, "You are what you eat".  While I can somewhat agree, I think a much more powerful truth is that

You Are What You Think

The older I get, the more I realize that the connection between the body and the mind is infinitely deeper than most people appreciate.  Or rather, we all agree that it is there, but the idea of training your mind is not one that is popular in our culture.  Meditation, yoga.. sure.  These have migrated into popular culture.  But day-to-day, moment-by-moment discipline of your thoughts is not something you're likely to find multiple hits on Pinterest for.

Several weeks ago I made a resolution against negativity, realizing that most of the comments regarding my workouts (both to my coach and to myself) were pretty negative.  The way I thought about my training was conditioning me to associate hard workouts with pain and small disappointments, rather than choosing to dwell on my accomplishments and the positive effects of my exercise.

Happy moment.  A hit!

Similarly, I also joined the 100 Happy Days challenge.  Every day I choose at least one moment to share with the world (via social media) that I am grateful and happy for.  Some days have been harder than others, but overall this daily practice of being present in my own life and paying attention to the joyful has been illuminating.

Eastern practice speaks of a person's life energy, their vital force, as chi.  Chi exists within the body, and between the body and the outside world.  Most illnesses and pain are a result of blocked or imbalanced chi. Practices such as Tai chi and meditation, as well as Reiki, acupuncture, etc. seek to balance and improve the flow of the life force in the body.  Whether you are a subscriber to western medicinal theory or not, the idea of a person's energy being positive or negative is fairly cross cultural.  All those hippies in the 70s talking about beautiful purple auras can't be wrong.

Taking this idea a step further, I believe that positive energy attracts more positive energy.  Meaning that, if you strive to keep your heart and mind open and peaceful, you will be more open to opportunities, ideas, and outcomes than you would be immersed in negativity.

Your body's energy is controlled by your mind.

I recently listened to a fabulous podcast by the Another Mother Runner crew.  They were interviewing time- and life- coach Jill Farmer for time management tips.  Jill asked her audience to consider the fact that every time you think a negative thought like, "I don't have time to do all this", your sympathetic nervous system kicks in with the same flight-or-fight response that would occur if a predator was bearing down on you wanting to make you its lunch.  The lower functions of your brain do not know the difference between stress from an overstuffed calendar and from an immediate threat of physical harm.  The biological reaction is the same.  Adrenaline floods the system, cortisol goes up, heart rate increases, and you feel fearful.  Repeat several hundred times per day, and you are literally changing the biology of your body and mind (and your chi).

Conversely, if you are able to recognize these types of thoughts when you have them, you have a chance to turn the whole thing around.  Instead of telling yourself "I don't have time", tell yourself, "I can do this.  One step at a time".  Your parasympathetic nervous system reacts and brings your body back into a baseline peaceful state.  When you aren't feeling frenzied, you are more productive and can achieve more than you can when always "fleeing the bear that isn't there".

So what does this all have to do with triathlon?

A huge part of triathlon is mental.  Learning to control your thoughts and endure physical discomfort is a major part of endurance racing.  Every time I think I've improved on this, I learn a new lesson.  This past Monday night I went out on a group ride from a local bike store.  I didn't know anyone.  Rather than having confidence in my abilities, I second guessed myself (negative voice on the shoulder) and joined the "slow group".  It was the wrong decision.  After a few miles I joined the main pack, which was made up of about 50 men (only).  All those men and one lucky girl.  I ended up pushing myself and having a fantastic ride.  Negativity lesson learned.

It's raining men!

We constantly set goals and have dreams, both in our athletic and outside lives.  Can I do a full Ironman?  Can I break a two hour half marathon?  Should I start a new business?  Can I apply for that job that I really want?  Ultimately it is our minds that allow us to take the first steps towards those dreams.  That accompany us along the way, whispering in our ears that we will either fail or triumph.  So why do we spend so little time thinking about how our thoughts affect our bodies and our lives?

As you may have guessed, I am myself currently facing one of these Big Dreams.  Plus a Big Decision.  (I promise to be more specific when I am able to do so).  It is big.  It is scary.  I am finding myself going through cycles of hope and elation followed by self doubt and negativity - usually several times a day.  It is exhausting.  Last week when I had my freak-out, I was letting my negative mind get the better of me.  This week, I've been much calmer.  Not because anything has changed - our family schedule is even nuttier, work is tougher, Oly training starts next week and my Big Dream is still there.  I've been making a conscious effort to control how I think about all of these things.  That is what has made the difference - my internal mind, not anything on the outside.

My kids know all about this

On a side note, all this stress has been great for my training, since a big coping mechanism for me is exercise.  In addition to that ride, I've done a 2000m swim set on Tuesday, and a spin class/run brick followed by strength training on Wednesday.  My body finally demanded a rest day today.  Whew.

Best quote from the podcast: "It's impossible to feel fear and gratitude at the same time".

The irony is that I wouldn't be even considering my Big Dream if I hadn't made this commitment to being positive.  The road that led me to this place is absolutely based on previous leaps of faith that I was capable of more (even if my mind didn't 100% agree all the time).  More professionally, more athletically, and more personally.  It all ties in together.  Which is why I'm writing on this subject tonight.  To remind myself that I am in control of my thoughts, my mind, my body, and ultimately my life.  I am reaffirming my commitment to staying positive and attracting more positive energy and opportunities.  To chase amazing experiences and improvement in all aspects of my life.

How do you focus on staying positive?  What keeps you centered?

Triathlon Becomes Decathlon - Sock Bun Breakdown

Sometimes triathlon is more than three sports.  It is three sports, a job, two young kids with all the associated homework and activities, a mortgage, the weather, injuries, bills, and two cats that, despite my multiple attempts to convince otherwise, still feel that the bed is their territory and that their food bowls need filling at 5 am.

Triathlon becomes Decathlon.

Who set this bar so darn high????

In actuality, the word decathlon refers to a 10-part track and field event originating in the Olympics.  Your daily Wiki trivia.  But I think that it should also apply to a working parent / aspiring triathlete as well.  Because there are days... ok there are weeks and months, where it feel like the daily juggling act pushes me to the very limits of my mental, emotional, and physical endurance.

I'm in one of those sets of days.  

In addition to the usual, we're heading toward the end of the school year, with all the various assemblies and reminders.  The kids schedules aren't that nutty for each of them individually, but adding their schedules into the family's schedule and my work/training schedule.... it all starts to look like this:

I used to get frustrated at my husband for calling me at work to verify their various appointments and practices.  After all, he is the stay at home parent, and I have my own work schedule and training schedule to contend with.  I have recently come to the realization that it is simply more than any human mind can comprehend and keep straight.  This is clearly why man invented the IPhone.  On any given day I have at least ten different email and pop-up reminders for tasks, appointments (both mine and the family's), and which workouts I'm supposed to do when.  My google calendar is no less than 4 calendars merged together.  Side note - I've changed my workout schedule so furiously the last few days that I'm pretty sure my coach is just hunkering down and wait for the storm to pass.  He's good like that).  

Introducing disruption into this particular vat of insanity can have dire consequences.  I felt like I was teetering on the edge yesterday, and then I got the email from my daughter's dance studio detailing what each girl was to wear for accessories (the expensive outfit already having been purchased) and how to do their hair.  There are about 20+ classes in her studio, so I scrolled down the list through "High ponytail", "Two pigtails","Braided bun", "Side ponytail"..... then down to my daughter's class.

Sock bun.

What?  What IS that??  How did my kid end up in the complicated hair style class?  I spent a few minutes googling and watching YouTube tutorials.  I decided that there was no way my husband could conquer this hairstyle solo in time for her pictures.  Heck, I'm not sure I can.  I went through several mental scenarios involving him taking her over to a [more hairstyle competent] friend's house to be coiffed before practice, doing her hair in the parking lot (what if there is wind?), asking to leave work early to do it myself (even my boss isn't that tolerant!).  Furious texting with another dance mom friend (her kid is in the ponytail class.  Lucky duck).  Finally figured out pictures aren't until later in the evening.  Thank god.

They gang up on me

Exhausted from this and many other mental battles, I decided the best way to de-stress would be to go to bed after drinking far too much wine.  But my coach and my husband weren't behind that approach, so I took second best.  Excessive exercise.   Since there was only so much time I could spend obsessing about sock buns and career paths, I looked up the courses and previous times from my upcoming Oly and obsessed about that instead.  (Triathlon is so good for transference....)  I decided it was imperative that I utterly exhaust myself with a 1000 meter time trial in the pool.

Actually, I decided to do 1500 meters, but my coach told me 1000 would be fine.  Phew.  At least someone has some sense.  I've never done a time trial and really didn't know what to expect in terms of how fast (or horribly slow) I am since finishing Total Immersion class.  I hit the pool at a quiet time of day, warmed up, and had a nice conversation with my lane-mate, an older woman who told me I was "a beautiful swimmer".  Oh heck yeah, I'm beautiful.  I will crush this!  21:40 later my trial was over and I was feeling pretty darn good about my swimming and my prospects for my Oly.  At least one part of my life is in order....

Safe zone

Headed home to wage the Sock Bun Battle Part II: Implementation.  

Which consisted of the Jedi and I cutting up 3 different socks, rolling them, watching several more videos, and a few attempts with my very patient little girl sitting on the bathroom stool while I brushed and rolled and pinned, swore unrolled brushed again and repeated the process.  With her golden thick straight hair down to the middle of her back, my little girl is dead ringer for Rapunzel.  She is actually growing it out to her ankles to see if it will turn magic (I'll cross that bridge when we get there).  My husband helped by holding sections of her hair.  Every so often she'd ask, "Mommy do you know what you are doing?"  No honey, Mommy does not know what she is doing.  Really at anything in life, so if you haven't figured that out in your six years of life, you're in for some more disappointments down the road....  "Is this supposed to be a two person job?"  Yes lovey, all of parenting is a two-person job.  Even dance recitals...

The result.  Sock bun achieved.  Good enough....

For all reasons related to sock buns, time trials, work stress, and a full brain... the alarm went off this morning at 5:15 and I just did not have it in me to get up.  I've been tracking my resting heart rate for the last 2 weeks with my Sleep Cycle app.  On a good day it's in the mid 60s when I wake up.  A regular day, the low 70s.  Yesterday it was 80 bpm and this morning was 85 bpm.  Your resting heart rate can be a good monitor of how well your body is recovering between workouts (or other stress).  Anything over an increase of 5 bpm or so might indicate overtraining or some other stress. Clearly a resting heart rate more than ten beats higher is a sign I'm burning out a bit.....

I think today will be a full rest day.  I'm also trying to look through my various lists and to-dos and decide which I can safely ignore for a while.  Or at least a day or so.  Prioritize.  Triage.  Wine now?

Have you ever had something silly push you over the edge?  I want to hear about it!

Are We Having Fun Yet?

I have a coworker for which this is their standard water cooler greeting, similar to "How's it going" or "Sounds like somebody has a case of the Mondays!"  Of course being at the office the standard reply is usually some version of no thanks and when can we go home?

Yet it is a very relevant question.  Are we having fun?  Am I having fun in everything that I am doing?  Is training for a half marathon, while learning a whole new way of swimming, and also trying not completely lose to ability to identify my bike, all at the same time, actually fun?

My daughter thinks the
treadmill is seriously fun.

As adults we spend tend to describe facets of our lives as rewarding, meaningful, fulfilling... but not often fun.  In my experience, most problems can be fixed not by excessive over-analysis, but with more fun.

On the trail

Yesterday Gypsy took our kids for the entire day, giving the Jedi and I several blissful hours of uninterrupted time to just enjoy each other's company and talk.  As our kids + her kids = 6 kids solo for the day, this earns her Best Friend of the Year and Mother of the Year simultaneously.  Seriously.  We went for a nice long cross-country ski on the rail trail, and followed it up with some chores around the house (remarking the whole time how quiet it was) and lunch out at our favorite local sushi place.  I cannot describe to anyone who is not a parent what a tremendous gift it was to have that much time together, and how much ground we covered as a couple. Career.  The kids.  Training.  The correct method of snow removal from our driveway.  The future.  The past.  All these things that you never get a chance to really connect about when the day-to-day reality of work and parenting turns you into Mrs. "Why can't she stop leaving dirty clothes all over the house" and Mr. "You always load the dishwasher wrong".  So that was excellent.  Just a few hours of fun together smoothed over months worth of bumps in the road.  Not that we have major bumps in the first place.  But nothing is perfect, not even us.

Wine and Sushi.  Big fun.

After Sunday's race, I was seriously questioning my sanity and the fun-ness of training this time of year.  I mean really - THIS is the correct way to cover a long distance on semi-packed snow:  Not running.

They make these things called skis that slide over the snow....

Similarly, getting out of bed early, trainer rides, and cold pools were starting to top my list of non-fun things. Ditto for lonely long runs in the cold that left me Cranky Tired Mom afterwards.  Ironically one of the reasons I wanted to run longer distances was to be able to go out with some of my runner friends.  Who now are running much less or not at all because of the weather, leaving me to soldier on alone.  Not fun.  So friends - as it warms, expect me to come for you.  I'm a lot faster than I was last fall and I want buddies again!!!

I talked to Sheriff about all of this in a few back and forth emails, and we decided that truly, what is needed is less pressure and more fun.  He even gave me license to "goof off". (I'll be testing the limits of what that means!).  We agreed that for the next few weeks, it's ok if I can't get up super early.  The cycle of packing for a workout, hitting the snooze and then feeling guilty about it all day is killing me.  I will religiously complete my three key runs a week to get ready for the New Bedford half, but other than that I can swim, bike, ski, yoga, or lay around with the kitty as much as I like.  This sounds like fun.

For clarity, here are some examples:

Not fun: commuting home in a huge snowstorm - the third in four days.
Fun: stopping at the gym to wait out the storm, and doing a 2000m swim set that felt like much less, in a completely empty pool.  Oh yes, this happened today.  After running a pretty fast 5K on the treadmill this morning.  Funny how I celebrate freedom to punk off by working out twice in one day.... hmm......

Not fun:  Watching every. single. thing. I. eat.
Fun: Weirdly slug-like and suggestive flambeed banana.

Not fun: Endless trainer rides in the cold basement.
Fun: Trainer rides in the warm living room, while watching Game of Thrones Season 3 which we got on DVD yesterday.  I'd adapted this drinking game for use on the trainer.  Shift up a gear every time someone dies.  Spin up whenever a White Walker appears (bike away!).  Stand up and push for 3 minutes whenever a main character dies.  The Red Wedding episode is gonna be tough....

How do you make exercise fun when you really aren't feeling it?

Any other GOT and SciFi geeks shout out!  (come now don't be shy....)  I'll send you the complete rules to Trainer GOT.....

For your meditations - watch the pretty snow fall......

Look Ma! No Hands!

I hit a bump this week.  Bumps happen in all aspects of life.  This particular bump was the recurrence of the foot injury that had me laid up for weeks last fall.  It messed up what had been feeling like a pretty calm (for me) groove I've had going since starting my Clean Eating program and working with my new tri coach.  Like many funks I get myself into, this one ended with me talking to my mom.  Who basically told me that I was spinning up way too fast and was over-scheduled, doing too much, and dragging the entire family with me. (She said it much nicer than that though).

"But what can I stop?" I wailed in response.  It's not like I can stop working.  The kids lessons are paid for.  I promised to teach them piano and swim - that's important.  I can't stop the cake business cold turkey because I've made commitments and frankly we need the money to cover  barely dent pesky things like the credit card bills from Christmas.  I'm sure as heck not going to stop training for triathlon, because on tough days having already put in a good solid workout is the only thing that makes me feel human.  Often a tired, sore human, but a sane one that isn't likely to scream at her kids or kick the cat.  Just kidding.  I would never kick my cats.

Mom didn't have an answer for me.  I didn't have an answer either.  I gave up trying to finish my work early enough to take the kids swimming that day, wrote an apologetic note to my coach, told me husband I had zero clue what to make for dinner and decided to just hang out and do some yoga after the kids went to bed.

The kids have been on me a lot lately.  Constantly (and literally) wrapped around my legs, demanding to be taken to the bounce park, to the movies, to the spa (yes, we've gone a little overboard lately).  But mostly what I hear is "Mommy I just need more time with you!"  Which is incredibly guy wrenching for me, and also patently ridiculous as I am lucky enough to spend more time with my children that most working parents.  I go to their ice skating lessons, their dance classes.  I work remotely.  I take days off just to spend with them.  All of which still adds up to, in their little minds, not enough.  It kills me.

So last night instead of rushing around like a crazy family, I set up the trampoline in the playroom and let them take turns bouncing their minds out to my workout mixes, and making those rainbow loom bracelets that every child under twelve seems to go for like meth addicts looking for their next fix.  In the midst of a particularly high bounce, my daughter yelled out, "Mommy!  This is the most perfect evening I could ever have with you!!!!"  Huh.  That easy.  She just really does want time with me.

(Notice in this video that she never, ever stops talking.  This is how we know she has never met her anaerobic threshold while exercising.  She has also talked nonstop through both 5ks and the kid triathlon she's done.  Unreal this kid.)

After the kids went to bed, I read a review of Rachel May Stafford's new book, "Hands Free Mama".  And purchased the book immediately.  And read the first two chapters.  Stafford's story rang very true to me - a busy working mom who was always on top of everything, who was constantly asked "how do you do it all?" and yet still felt stressed and disconnected.  In her own words, her solution is:

"If technology is the new addiction, then multi-tasking is the new marching order.  We check our email while cooking dinner, send a text while bathing the kids, and spend more time looking into electronic screens than into the eyes of our loved ones.  With our never-ending to-do lists and jam-packed schedules, it's no wonder we're distracted."

 Stafford simplified her life, and has inspired many more to do so, by implementing small but significant changes to minimize distractions.  Put away the phone.  Turn off email for a portion of each day.  Be truly present for your family, and for yourself.  She also takes a hard look at what she considers meaningful... and what is an unnecessary distraction.  Powerful stuff.

In her first chapter, she says that honesty hurts.  It hurts me to admit that I could do much better in this area.  I live with my cell phone - it's practically an appendage.  I spend way too much time on Facebook.  As much as the habit of constantly watching phones drives me crazy in others (the other night I talked to the Jedi for a good two minutes about something I felt was really hard and meaningful, only to have him eventually look up and say "What?  I thought you were talking to the cat...."), I do it too.  Two night ago I was texting with my coach while putting my son to bed.  My son had to actually ask me to stop texting because the phone buzzing was keeping him awake.  Shameful.  So so shameful.

My New Pledge - to be a Hands Free Mama

• When I get home from work / shut down from work, I will put my phone away in my bedroom and not use it again until after the kids go to bed.
• I will not check anything on my phone until after my first cup of coffee in the morning (which occurs after working out and/or showering)
• I will only look at Facebook twice per day - once around lunchtime, once after kids go to bed.  Limited to a few minutes only.  (I've already failed this one today.  More shame).
• Non-work emails will be returned only after the kids are in bed.
• Even if he is watching football or Dr. Who, I will make and effort to sit with and talk to my husband in the evenings.

Things That Are Meaningful to Me

• Health of my family.  A big part of this is nutrition, so the clean eating and switching my son to gluten-free will continue
• Being creative.  Whether it be crocheting hats for the kids, sewing quilts, painting, or decorating cakes, I need the act of creation in my life
• Being a role model for my children.  I want them to look at me and see a hard-working, kind, healthy person who has her life and priorities in balance
• My personal health.  This includes triathlon training, what I put in my body, but also my mental and emotional health.  An ongoing project.
• Inspiring others.  Egotistical?  Maybe.  But I love writing, and if even one person gets something out of this blog and some of the other places I write then I'm going to keep it up.
• Having meaningful friendships & relationships.  Involving actually seeing people in person, calling them, and being there for them when it is important.

So my friends, if I am a little harder to get a hold of in the future, I apologize.  Please call me instead, or wait until after bedtime.  I'd love to see you and hear your voice.  If anyone sees me posting anything on Facebook other than lunchtime or evenings, please call me on it.  If something is actually burning down or you need to talk to me right now, I will of course answer.  But otherwise, I ask your support in my new project.

I can't give up any of the big things in my crazy chaotic life, but I can try to take control of all the little moments in between.  

Spaghetti-Os Night - Perfect Imperfection

Like nearly every other mother I know, this is my favorite word.  If we work, we feel guilty for leaving our kids at home.  If we stay home, we feel guilty for not using our degrees and earning potential.  If we grab an extra handful of M&Ms it can cause shame spirals for hours afterwards.  Marriage.  Career.  Children.  Fitness.  Oh my goodness where to begin?  Because at the end of the day, the reality is that you can only be addressing one aspect of your life at any given moment, meaning that you are neglecting everything else.

This has been a tough guilt week for me.  To start out, I am sick.  I took a sick day on Monday.  Which in my industry means that I worked from home in a cold-medicine fog for about 6 hours and got nothing done before giving up and falling asleep in my chair.  Discussing this with Legos (who also works) - neither of us remember the last time we took an actual sick day.  Like, where we just rested instead of continuing to work for most of the day.  Meanwhile, I was physically home, which to my children meant that I should be playing with them.  By the grace of God (or meal planning) I did manage to shove dinner in the crock pot that morning, so the family was fed.  And it was a rest day.  So nothing lost there.  In that same later conversation with Legos, I said that the best part of having so many roles in your life (mother, athlete, employee, wife, daughter) is that when you are sick, you get to disappoint multiple people at the same time.  

The work week did not improve upon my return to the office.  Mistakes were made, mistakes were uncovered, and the usual crucifixion for them ensued.  Not the first or last time I've made errors at work, but it never feels good.  Meanwhile my cold has persisted, causing me to blow off a workout with Hummingbird and rearranging my Training Peaks schedule so many times that I'm pretty sure Sheriff has just given up at this point.

Side note: I'm still getting used to having another person in my life to report to about how I'm doing on a daily basis.  Some days Sheriff knows more than my husband does.  Coaching is weird - very happy that I love my coach so much and that he seems to not want to block my communications yet.

There's a lot of ways I could react.  In reality, I think I've gone through all of them.  Guilt, anger, zen-like moments of meditation, swearing, deep breaths.. the gauntlet.  But I'm settling on this one:

I am ONE PERSON.  No more, and no less.  

I cannot be everywhere.  I cannot please everyone.  I will make mistakes.  I will disappoint my kids - they will get over it.  I cannot do everything.  When I am sick, I might miss a workout or two during the week.  That's ok.   It is up to me to choose how I will react when life gets messy.  In reality, at least 90% of the pressure I feel, I put on myself.  The kids don't really care what's for dinner.  Sheriff tells me to rest.  In a month the current work snafu will be fixed and will blow over.  The cat will forgive me for not giving her enough lap time.  It's all okay.... 

GF waffles - oh so yummy

I was reminded that others think I'm okay as I am by small kindnesses this week.  One friend texted me a photo of my daughter's dance recital outfit that I'd missed seeing, because I work during when she has class.  Hummingbird and Sheriff did not mind my gym shuffles.  I had a good vent session with Gypsy on the phone coming home the other day.  Jedi went to the store for me and got gluten-free waffle mix, and then stayed up late making them.  Those things matter a lot.

So tonight, after work we took the kids to the gym to swim.  Jedi took the kids in the water first so that I could get in my tempo run for the week, and then we all swam together.  It was really nice.  We came home to a late dinner of Spaghetti-Os.  The non-organic, HFCS filled, mystery-meat meatballs alphabet kind.  The kids loved them.  (Clean Eating police - I had brown rice and quinoa pasta with Cara's meatballs and sauce, so shush).  On Tuesday I made it to my son's skating lesson, but then missed their bedtime for my speed run for the week.  They got over it, and were even proud of mommy for running so fast!  I was pretty proud too, as I PRed my 5k time during that workout by a good margin.  

Last weekend, mother runner Meg Cross Menzies was killed by a drunk driver on her morning run.  She leaves behind a husband and three small children.  While I did not know her personally, this story tears at my heart.  I can only imagine the pain that family must be going through.  I don't want to waste the time I have to feeling guilty.  I will be dedicating my long run this week to Meg's Miles.  Meg's Miles asks us to:  

Take in the fresh air, be aware of your surroundings, keep your headphones on low, feel the heaviness in your lungs, the soreness in your legs, and be grateful for it -- for all of it.  The sweat, the pain, the wind, the cold... everything.  Be grateful for that moment. 

Tonight as I was putting my son to bed, he told me, "Mommy I think you're perfect".  I think we all are too, kiddo.  Perfectly imperfect.

This is all you really need to do for your kids.
Hold them.  And rest.  When you need to.

Fitting It In

New Year's is a great time.  A fresh start, clean slate... and that magical time of year where it is impossible to get a free treadmill or elliptical at the gym because five times the normal numbers of people are flocking in, determined to make this year the year that they get in shape.  While this is no small challenge to most people, it can be absolutely daunting to mothers.  Moms are the Keeper of the Schedules, the Doers of Laundry, the Chauffeurs, the Buyer of Toilet Paper, and the Readers of Stories. In most households they keep the world turning, keep everyone fed, happy, and clean... often to their own detriment.  So how does a mom with a house, a job, a business, and a marriage to take care of fit in fitness on top of that?  I'm no expert, but here are my thoughts.

• Know YOURSELF, know WHY, then set a goal.  It's easy to make grand proclamations about your upcoming fitness while hoisting your third glass of champagne on New Year's Eve.  But if you are a rabid chocoholic, giving up all sugar cold turkey for a year might not be the right goal.  Nor would running a marathon if you've never ran a step in your life and have knee problems.  Similarly, resolving to lose 20 pounds because there's a contest at the office with $100 cash prize will probably not get you truly there (unless you really need that $100).  Your fitness goal should be deeply personal - something meaningful.  You need to have a reason why you've set this particular goal - not an amorphous "I want to look better" or "just want to try this", but rather something that makes you imagine yourself better in some way you really care about.  Lose weight because your parent(s) have diabetes.  Be a role model for your kids.  Complete a triathlon because crossing that finish line is something that redefines you in your own eyes.  There's no such thing as a "too big" or "too small" goal.  In fact having more than one goal is good - a short term and a long term goal will help you stay motivated and looking towards the future.  There is however, such a thing as a too-fast goal.  Zero to marathon in 2 months will only get you injured.  Losing 50 lbs in that same time will only make you frustrated when it doesn't happen.  Be realistic, and make it something that resonates with you.

• Get organized.  All the dreams in the world will not get you onto the treadmill.  You need to become an organizational ninja.  You're busy!!  You want to be busier?  Where are you going to find an extra 5-10 hours a week to work out?  Look at your schedule - see what you can cut.  Yes, even if that means tevo-ing Downton Abbey and watching it later.  Plan out the week's worth of meals and grocery shop ONCE.  Ditto to laundry - make sure everyone in the house has 7 pairs of undies.  Pack lunches, backpacks, gym bags, and briefcases the night before.  You will never make it to the gym the next morning if you are looking for Susie's homework and packing snacks in the morning.   Politely say no when asked to bring a cupcakes to your kid's next Girl Scout meeting.  Graciously decline when asked to serve of the board of the PTO (when you're already on 3 other boards).  Wait, this is for my family!!  you scream.  Guess what?  So is getting in shape.  Cutting corners and saying "no" might violate your innate principles of mommy-hood, but trust me.  It is freeing.  

• No excuses.  Life happens.  Things interfere.  But that never means that "I don't have time" is a valid excuse.  You will prioritize what you feel are the most important aspects of your life.  Period.  If taking care of a sick relative is more important than making it to barre class, then say that (it should be!).  If an extra hour of sleep is more important than spin class, then say that.  No matter what life throws at you, you are still captain of your life ship.  You are in charge.  OWN THAT POWER.  When I skip workouts, I don't give my coach excuses.  I tell him what was more important on that day (most recently, it was playing hot wheel cars with my kids).  There will be things that preempt your plans.  That is normal, and ok.  Excuses are not ok.  Take control.  Be a force that happens to your life, not the other way around.

• Get out of bed.  This one is tough.  In my experience, the most successful mommy athletes are those that get their workouts over with first thing in the morning.  Even if it means setting the alarm for an hour previously reserved for catching flights out of Logan.  You are much more likely to not skip a workout if it's the first thing that you check off your to-do list.  Before the Job and the House and Being Mommy can steal your time away.  Use whatever strategies, however brutal, to make this happen.  Put your alarm across the room so you have to get out of bed to turn it off.  Have a mantra  "Don't Think Just Go" once you hear it.  Make sure everything is packed the night before (see above - I'm repeating this for emphasis). Prep the coffee pot.  Sleep in your gym clothes.  Yes, do all of these on a regular basis.  Go to bed early (don't worry - this one will come easily as you start collapsing on the couch in exhaustion at 8:30 or falling asleep in your kids' beds).  If you truly are one of those rare people who can stick to a training program of afternoon or *yawn* evening workouts, more power to you.  Please teach the rest of us.

• Invest in yourself.  I'm talking time and money.  You will feel guilty for taking time away from your other responsibilities.  Banish this.  Do not let a single negative thought into your head while pursuing your goal.  Having a strong role model and a healthy parent late into their lives is a tremendous gift for your children, one that out-values a few hours of playtime here and there or having spaghetti for dinner twice in a row.  Similarly, you will spend money on yourself.  If at all possible, join a gym with childcare.  There is nothing better than these kind folks that will watch your kids for you while you sneak in a few miles or some laps.  Many of these gyms have kid gyms, pools, programs for the children, hot tubs, saunas, and other amenities that make it an great place for the whole family to hang out.  Yes, they are expensive.  But so are soccer leagues, swim lessons, and dance classes.  Most moms I know think far less about investing money in those activities than they would a gym membership.  I would argue that they are equally valuable for the kids, and way more valuable for mom.  Buy good running shoes - MRIs cost more.  Trust me on this one.  Understand that physical fitness is an investment for yourself and your family, and accept that it comes with both financial and time cost.  All worth it.

• It's all mental.  No, not that kind of mental.  Well, sort of.... You will have more interruptions, jumps, and setbacks on your path to fitness than a seven mile run with a toddler in a jogging stroller.  You absolutely cannot subscribe to the "day is blown" mentality.  If your workout gets skipped for some reason, find another time in the day to do something else.  Walk the stairs at the office on your lunch break.  Park at the end of the parking lot and walk around the mall.  Be the weird mom doing laps around the field at soccer practice.   If you eat a donut for breakfast, enjoy it, move on, and have a salad for dinner.  What happens... happens.  Thou shalt not beat thyself up over it.  But thou absolutely shall find another way to make something good happen.  Every day.  A huge part of fitness is mental - that means being flexible, being creative, and being nice to yourself.  You cannot become thinner by mentally cursing your body in the mirror.  Your mind is what will let you be an unstoppable force on a mission to your goal - despite missing your morning yoga because your kiddo was up all night, how you look (or think you look) in spandex, or having only raisins and frosting left in your refrigerator for dinner.

We all know the statistics.  1 in 3 American adults are overweight.  Another third are obese.  Diabetes is at an all-time high, even in children.  There is no greater gift that you can give yourself and your family than being healthy and active.  Not because you want to look like a Kardashian or because a new diet is trendy - because teaching your children proper nutrition and to truly enjoy physical activity could quite literally save their lives.  The entire rest of their lives.  And yours.

Best wishes for your New Year's Resolutions.  Now make sure you're not on my treadmill tomorrow!!!