In Front of the Mirror - Goals

It a whole new month.  July 1st (ok now it's the 3rd - close enough).  I finished my first Oly and now the summer looms before me, ripe with the promise of.... what?  What is it about achieving milestones that throws into relief just how many things you haven't achieved yet??  And why is it that, no matter what I do in terms of athletics, dress, hairstyles, etc. whenever I look in the mirror I see a thirtysomething Mom looking back?  I'm not lamenting my status parentus, but it still a little odd to have this little critters that look up to me as the center of all wisdom, and to have my twenties (and the body that went with them) wander away while I was building a family and a career.  And a house.  And pets.  And... lots of other stuff.

Ok - focus.  Back to goals.  I could work on my hill climbing on the bike.  I got a cadence monitor that should come in the mail today.  I could start interval training and such things that my more serious triathlete friends seem to do to get faster.  The big hill in the bike course at NE Trifest pretty well killed my speed.  So that could be good.  But my next race's bike course is pancake flat, so... hmm.  

These jars look great by Pinterest standards,
but contain <400 calories, which isn't enough for lunch.
Learned the hard way.

Ok, so how about I go back to trying to rid self of a few pounds.  My BMI is smack dab in the midst of the healthy range, but the endurance athlete lifestyle isn't actually very good for ridding oneself of a mom-like shape.  High protein?  Low carb is out - every time I mess with my diet I make myself dizzy and sick. Courtney Cynthia and I decided to take on nutrition as next week's #TriTalkTuesday topic, so I'll be soliciting advise from readers then.  So far I made it exactly one day before getting so hypoglycemic I crashed on the couch and watched 3 episode of Glee in a row while eating strawberries and Nutella.  Not the best plan, surely....

I really should do my PT more often... maybe some weight training.  Yes!  Weights are good.  Now when exactly can I fit that in??

I really want a Garmin Vivofit... mostly because Rio and her husband got them at the Raleigh expo back in April and I didn't.  I like toys, and I like data.  Staring at data is a substitute for actually exercising, right??

I'd have arms like hers... just by wearing the thing....
boobs look good too...

Maybe I should be focusing more on the kids.  After all, I've been blowing them off a lot to train.  Plus working.  Just because my job sustains and feeds the entire family and they are well taken care of by their father doesn't mean that I shouldn't feel bad at all times for neglecting them. (Sarcasm folks.  But still sadly true)  After all, my son is routinely so incredibly clinging that I have nightmares about him actually trying to crawl back into the womb.  That must mean something....

Not my photo, not my daughter.
Having a kid this well dressed and
coiffed would be a challenge

Our town's fireworks were rescheduled due to the storm.  I'm actually relieved by this.  I feel I need a few more days to gather the needed strength to get them all dressed up and sit in a burning hot fields for hours waiting for the fireworks, and then carrying 100 lbs of tired children through the mob back to the car.  In an effort to be smart, I got the kids each a pair of 4th of July pajamas yesterday to wear to the fireworks, mistakenly thinking this would be good because they would be comfortable and bed-ready.  In reality, this made them cry super big wailing sobs.  He liked hers, she likes his.  I can't even get my daughter to stop flossing with pieces of her hair (really), much less into a cute little getup with ribbons.  Enough of this parenting stuff - it's a losing battle.

What about my career?  Well there's a whole other area.  The last few months have been pretty career heavy, in terms of next steps (sad to say I still can't share the whole story), taking on some extra work, and my semester starting.  I should be a more focused worker...

Or this blog!!!  Heck I'm not even self-hosted.  I've not had a giveaway in ages and I'm pretty sure the only people that read it are my close friends.  Who are gonna stop after this long babbling post.  I should really work on becoming a "real" blogger....

My point of all of this is that I'm driving myself crazy.  I'm feeling jealous of my training partners who don't have children.  Or who don't have jobs.  Or both(?)  Even though I know that I'm oversimplifying their lives and choices by envying them.  I'm feeling like any goal I do try for is gonna get railroaded within its infancy by work, by illness (mine or my family's), by my complete lack of ability to get up before 6:30 am.



Girls Gone Sporty posted a fabulous article about "When Fitspiration Goes Wrong".  I loved it.  Go read it now.  In the world of Pinterest and social media, it is so easy to feel less than "good enough" if you aren't making your own organic salads from greens you grew yourself, entertaining your preschoolers with hand-woven felted wool playthings that also teach match skills, and having a washboard stomach while doing it all.  Take all that and add in triathlon and it's a serious amount of pressure.  Self-pressure, but still pressure.



Today I worked, kept my kids alive, went for a short run (or didn't - rest days are good too!), and breathed some air.  Maybe my goal for July will be more of "What did YOU do today?" being this:

Or maybe I'll buy myself a Vivofit.  Does anyone have one??

**Update**  I just had to try.  One goal done!  hehehehe... she is fun.  

My kid.  My work.  Cutie!

TriTalk Tuesday - Goals of a Cupcake Triathlete

Happy spring Tuesday to everyone!  The sun is out, the weather is perfect for training (or barbecuing or sitting on decks, as you like it....) It's once again the day of the week to link up with Cynthia at You Signed Up For What? and Courtney at The Trigirl Chronicles  to continue our chats about all things triathlon-related.  We've previously discussed the swim, the bike, the run, transitions, and what to wear while doing all of these.  Now that's we are more or less settled covering the basics on how to do triathlon(ish), we thought we'd spend a week talking about GOALS.  How to set them, what yours are, what reasonable goals look like, etc.  We'd love for you to link up with us as well below - the more ambition the merrier!

When it comes to goal setting, I'm a fan of setting three series of goals.  Short-term, medium-term, and long-term.

• Short-term - small goals that can be achieved in days or weeks.  Having these types of goals keeps you motivated on your path and allows you to measure and keep yourself accountable on a day-to-day basis.  Added up, these goals contribute to your larger goals.  Some examples of these types of goals might be smaller increments of weight loss (1-2 lbs a week for a month), getting up early x number of times in a week, or running a certain number of miles in a month.  These goals should be challenging, but attainable, lest you derail and depress yourself before you even get started.

• Medium-term - goals that are achievable over the next several weeks or months, or within a training season.  These can be (but don't have to be) related to your "A" race for the year.  Examples could be increasing your bike speed 1-2 mph, lowering your stroke count per length, losing a more substantial amount of weight, or other larger fitness metrics.  Again, these should be reasonable and attainable.  If you start a training cycle as a 10:00 mile runner, it's not reasonable to expect to race a half-marathon at 8:00 minute miles at the end of a 16 week plan.  

• Long-term - here is where you get to get a little nutty.  To dream big and throw out the really big "Mt. Everest" ideas.  What you'd like to do someday if there was nothing holding you back.  These may or may not ever be destined to happen to you, but if you never dream it, it is sure that you will never achieve it.

So getting personal, I will share my short, medium and long term goals as they stand right now:

Short term goals:

I have two races coming up - the Greendale YMCA sprint triathlon on June 1st, and the New England Trifest Olympic distance triathlon on June 29th.  I'm not quite where I had hoped I'd be going into these races, but I'm feeling pretty zen about things.  I've done some really good work towards short term goals so far this year.  Through my Total Immersion classes, I've become a more comfortable strong swimmer.  I've been getting in a lot of time on my bike.  I'm also past my recent bout of illness and feel pretty strong and ready to go.  So short term:

• Push the bike speed up past 15 mph.  I'm not sure if it's the hills I train on or what, but no matter what I do or where I ride the darn Garmin seems to say average speed 14.5.  Always 14.5  Once it was 14.6.  God give me a flat course some day and I will crush that little 14.5.....

**Update before publishing Tuesday morning - my ride last night ended up at 15.9 mph.  Goal met.  This blog is self-fulfilling.  See what I mean about short term goals being attainable??**

• Steady, smooth breathing in the cold cold open water!  I've done a couple of open water swims in the last week, and while they were fun, we were more acclimating than actually doing a lot of swimming.  Of course, I was the goofball that figured out if you put your SwimSafe buoy under your head it's like a pillow and you can relax and float, but I DO need to actually practice swimming in the open water now.  Such that when Greendale does roll around and I'm required to swim 1/2 mile in said water, I can do so in a calm, smooth, collected manner.  Without ordering "pond water-tinis".

Non-athletic Open Water "Swimming"

• Depending on what my physical therapist and the orthopedist says about my hip(s) this week, I am hoping that I will have the fortitude to stuff my ego down the front of my sports bra and just walk the run leg of the Greendale sprint if necessary, and turn NE Trifest into an Aquabike.  This is a mental challenge.  One that I may very well fail at.  Especially since I have a ton of friends at Greendale with me, and there will almost certainly be a part of me that wants to prove something to them, random bystanders, and myself.  Of course, if the doctors say that I shouldn't be running at all, that thing that I'm proving will be that I'm a stubborn idiot....

Medium-term goals:

• Related to the last bullet, I'd like to do whatever is needed for my hip to heal.  Honestly.  I hope that I will still be able to take my daughter running, and do the occasional 5K with friends, but if that is it, I am ok with that.  I'm at peace.  However, if I do start to be able to take on longer distances, I want to get into trail running more.  I love the woods and I should be playing more in my element instead of trying to keep up with my super speedy roadie friends.

My new studio

• I'd like to establish a more regular, focused yoga practice.  I love yoga.  I'm just such a much better person when I do yoga on a regular basis.  I got a groupon for ten classes at a new (to me) local studio and I adore that place.  I've been twice in the last 4 days.  I feel calmer, my joints and muscles are less painful.  So much of my goals with triathlon are to calm my depression and anxiety - yoga does more for this than nearly anything else.  I need to talk to my coach about this goal, actually, as I don't know how to fit three 90 minute yoga classes into a full triathlon + life schedule.  But it might need to be done for my physical and mental health....

• I'd like to try a stand-alone open water race.  Without the kerfuffle of the bike and run after.  I feel like it would help me focus my swimming in a new way and be enjoyable.  I'm not sure about ocean versus fresh water.  I have this gut feeling from all my scuba days of being pushed around by waves and currents that, if you are going to be in the ocean, you should be allowed the advantage of fins.  So I have some soul searching (and web surfing) to do towards this goal....

Long-term goals:

Ahh.... this is the good stuff.  You'll note a lack of triathlons so far on my list of goals.  I'm afraid you'll not find an Ironman here either.  That's because to me, triathlon is a process - a means to an end.  I enjoy the regimen of training, the structure and variety of the triathlete lifestyle, but a race isn't my finish line.  Whether it be because I'm just not that competitive in athletics (no one would accuse me of not being competitive in other aspects of life), or because I just can't wrap my mind around the training volume required for long-course triathlons, I just don't aspire to do them right now. 

What I do dream of is the day that my kids are off to college and the Jedi and I are on our own, not yet in our 50s, and still in great enough health to do all the things we dreamed of doing when we were younger.  Of being the silver haired couple that rides century charity rides together.  That hikes on the weekends.  Of being the older woman at the pool that swims three times a week because she truly enjoys it.  Of someday being free of the cloudy of anxiety that has followed me every day of my life since I had my first panic attack when I was 18 months old (my mother will attest to this).

Aside from those touchy-feely amorphous goals, I do have some "bucket list" goals.  The first one will be a sooner-rather than later goal:

• Century bike ride.  I haven't done one yet.  I did the American Lung Association 100 mile ride, but over 2 days.  This one is coming in the next year or two....

• The Pan-Mass Challenge.  The PMC is the mother of all charity rides in our area, benefiting the Dana Farber Cancer Institute. - while there are multiple routes and lengths available, some day I would love to do the 2 day route from Sturbridge to Provincetown.  111 miles one day, 81 the next.  Even tougher than getting ready for the ride itself is the fundraising needed to participate in the PMC - but someday I will make it happen!

• Thru-hike the Long Trail in Vermont.  I wanted to do this before I had kids, but Mini-me made her entrance into the world before I had a chance.  Mini-me and I have talked about hiking the smaller MidState trail (that bisect Massachusetts) over the course of several weekends once her legs get just a little longer.  Maybe by the time I'm able to do the Long Trail she'll want to come with me for the whole length on her teenage legs.  Maybe?

View from the Long Trail

• Maybe... maybe.... do a Half Ironman some day.  Maybe Timberman up in Vermont, or a destination race-cation with friends.  Maybe with Cynthia and Courtney?  This is in the dream world where I have the time in my life to train properly and my body isn't injured.  There could be a race in a place pretty enough with enough good friends, wine and chocolate to make me register.  It could happen....

Whatever set of goals you are pursuing, make sure that you take the time to look back and see how far you've come.  Always pushing forward and looking for the next challenge is great, but if you aren't enjoying the journey, and you don't appreciate where you've been, you are losing out on a lot of the value.  This weekend we visited my parents for their birthdays.  We used to live quite close to them.... the day brought us to a playground where we used to take the kids when they were small.  Watching the other parents there chase their toddlers around the mini-slides and push babies in the swings I remembered my days as a diaper-wielding, baby hoisting, sleep deprived mom of babies.  

The Jedi and I linked our fingers together, I rested my head on his shoulder and said, "Wow - we've come a long way together". 

And we have.  As parents and as people.  That is to be valued.

Stop and smell the flowers

Remember what is most important.

 Best wishes to all of you in pursuit of your goals, triathlon and otherwise.  Have a beautiful week!

Do you talk triathlon on your blog? Link up with You Signed Up For WHAT?!, The Cupcake Triathlete, and The TriGirl Chronicles on Tuesdays for Tri Talk! We’ll discover a new theme each week and talk about triathlon training, tips, and general chatter. Be sure to link to your specific post and not a general link to your blog so that your post can be found in the linkup archives. Links not triathlon-related will be deleted.  Next week's topic will be Bike Maintenance, for you advanced planners!

An InLinkz Link-up

Dance Apocalyptic.... with Cake

Last night I had a [very rare] phone conversation with my friend and coach, which ended with him laughing saying, "Man I love your life" to which I replied, "I just can't WAIT until you have children".  You see, I called him in a "safe time" - on my drive home.  But he was dutifully pushing up a hill at 450 watts in Central Park like the good Ironman in training that he is, so by the time he returned my call, I had walked in the door at home and was fair game for The Children.

I haven't actually spoken on the phone to my coach in a very long time, so I picked up.  Which breaks one of my rules in life, which is that its really annoying to be on the phone with a parent who is simultaneously talking to you and their offspring at the same time.  I try not to, for the general cause of not being an a**hole to my friends.  Which, in truth, is why mothers text as their primary mode of communication.  We did manage a decent amount of conversation, even though I was putting a band-aid on my son's finger, laying out my daughter's outfit for her dance pictures, getting said daughter upstairs (a process), and telling her how to put on her outfit.

Me: "No underwear honey.  Don't ask - it's a dance thing"
Coach: "Ok - I guess I understand that".
Me: "I was talking to her not you.  You should understand not wearing underwear for athletic events".  Chuckles.  

I finally had to hang up when she put her tights on backwards and I realized I had about ten minutes to get her hair into a sock bun and her tutu-ed little behind into the car.  My regular readers will remember my earlier hairstyle related breakdown on the subject.....

Came out pretty good!

Anyway, I did get her coiffed, photographed, and transported to the next town without incident (she did great not touching or messing up her hair in the car, partially because she is awesome and partially because I ended every sentence I said to her with "and don't touch your hair!").  Once we got to her studio were were ushered into a very small, very hot, very chaotic room where dozens of other moms and their children worked together to get all the little heads in up-does, make up on, and complicated dance costumes tied (thank goodness my kid had an easy costume, if not easy hair) and into the photo room.  Phew.

The chaos of a mass swim start is nothing compared to picture day at little girl dance studio.....

Once home, we started the reverse process.... feed child, bath child, scrub makeup off child, scrub hairspray out of child's hair.... get child to bed.....

Only to remember that I was supposed to meet friends that night.  Oops.  Once again, I'm a bit of an a**hole.

A "Dance Apocalyptic" evening.  I love this song.  "You're not afraid to freak out!!!  You're not afraid to freak out......"  Indeed.

What's my point?  Well, that for all the reasons so eloquently and hysterically described in this article, being a parent of small children really does make you kind of a a**hole.  Or if you don't like that word, at least accept that it makes you truly incapable of doing everything, remembering everything, juggling everything, and doing it all well.  This absolutely impacts your training as well.  Or at least it sure does impact mine.  Even if I wasn't sick (which I am), and if I wasn't injured on running restriction (which I am), it is just really darn hard to pull off a consistent training schedule gracefully without sacrificing other areas of your life.

Side note:  I just heard my husband yell from downstairs: "Stop playing in the toilet!!  You're making a mess!"  See?  Parenting = crazy.

Can it be done?  Sure.  There are plenty of people out there who do it.  I'm a huge fan of reaching for big goals.  But I'm also a huge fan of balance and recognizing that's it ok to scale them back.  I have several friends who have downsized their tri goals this season in favor of new jobs, more family time, and frankly more sleep and sanity.  I realized several months ago that this was not the year for me to go for a long-course triathlon.  I'm now realizing that this may even be a year that just finishing my current races is all I can manage - forget getting faster or any time or power goals.  I am honestly ok with that.  Of course the irony is that if I hadn't done two HMs to get faster on the run, I'd probably still be able to run at all.... neither here nor there....

A coffee machine at my work had a "Well-being" button.
If only it were that simple!!!

Gosh Cupcake Triathlete - you scaled back your cupcake business, and now you're scaling back your triathlon stuff?  Really?  Why should we even read your blog?

I don't actually know
what this means....

Excellent question!!!  For which I don't have an answer.  Same reason my coach puts up with me - sheer entertainment value?  My adorable children?  That I often hurt myself in amusing ways?  My efforts to be honest and real?  If you want straight shots in inspiration there's tons of stuff on Pinterest.  Here's a good one for ya.....

And I'm not really scaling back on the tri stuff, just not leaping forward to take on anything huge or crazy anytime soon.  Plus getting an X-ray for my hip and some other boring stuff.  I know in my heart of hearts that staying active is my very best combat to the parental crazies, which is why yesterday I busted out of the office at lunch time for a quick walk to nearby conservation land for a trail run.

Ahhhh sweat and nature.... so much better.....

In an effort to hold your attention, I AM going to share the recipe for the amazing cake that I forced my husband to my husband made me for Mother's Day.  I'm not a big fan of frosting, so bundt cakes are some of my favorites.  This one is very flavorful and unique (butterscotch and coffee - sounds odd but sooo good)!!!  Originally from Bundt Classics by Nordic Ware:

Gather Round Pound Cake

• 1 (6 oz) package butterscotch chips
• 2 tbsp instant coffee or espresso
• 1/4 c hot water
• 1 1/2 c sugar
• 1 c butter, softened
• 4 eggs
• 3/4 c buttermilk
• 3 cups all purpose flour
• 1/2 tsp baking soda
• 1/2 tsp baking powder
• 1/4 tsp salt

Heat oven to 325.  Grease and flour a 10 or 12 cup Bundt pan.  Melt butterscotch chips with instant coffee powder and water; set aside.

In large mixing bowl, mix sugar and butter until light and fluffy.  Add eggs, mixing well after each addition.  Mix in buttermilk and butterscotch mixture.  Mix in all remaining ingredients.  Spoon into pan.

Bake at 325 for 55 to 6 minutes until toothpick comes out clean.  Cool ten minutes.  Remove from pan - cool complete on the rack and then dust with powdered sugar.

What is your favorite kind of cake?
Do you talk on the phone with your kids around?  Tell me stories.....

Friday Five - Fitness Goals

Fitness goals.  We all have 'em.  Or we should have 'em!  I find I am forever reassessing and remaking my goals, both in fitness and in life.  After all, you have to stay dynamic, right?  If you stay on a path too long you may find it takes you somewhere you didn't actually want to be..... Ok perhaps I'm shading into non-fitness life.  So without further ado, my Friday Five Fitnes Goals (of the moment) are:

1.  Get up earlier

I used to be good at this.  Last tri season I got up around 5 at least three days a week to train.  I'm not sure what has happened between then and now, but I am really, truly struggling to get myself going in the morning.  So far the family has been good about letting Mommy work out her way home from work or running at lunch, but if I'm gonna be the Swim Bike Running machine I want to be going into the triathlon season, I need to get myself out of bed.

2.  Get more sleep

This goal is in direct opposition to Goal #1.  Hmm.  What is a girl to do?  I recently downloaded this nifty app for my phone "Sleep Cycle" that monitors your sleep, lets you put in potentially confounding factors like alcohol, stressful day, working out in the evenings, and then lets you know which has the most bearing on getting a good night's rest.  I love data, and am searching for the magic formula to make me wake up rested.

Last night's shut-eye

3.  Fix my running form

I talked a bit about this in my last post, but I feel like I finally have the (intellectual) keys to making running less painful and more efficient.  Faster cadence, stronger core, quick foot turnover.  Hopefully all of this will lead to less pain (I'm still struggling to run after this past weekend's half) and actually enjoying this aspect of triathlon.  Enjoying running?  No sir.....

4.  Strength strength strength

This is also a bit problematic.  I should have been doing more strength training during the "off season".  Well, I spent the off-season learning to walk and run again after being on crutches for 5 weeks, and then getting ready for my spring half marathons.  I had every intention of doing at least one strength class a week, and that kind of fell away.  So now I'm learning that my core, glutes, and hips need a lot of work in order to avoid [further] injuries.  Plus (and please do not judge me for being shallow), I'd like to get some pretty arm definition so I look nice in the summer.  If summer ever comes up to the Frozen North.....

Not me.  But I'd take her arms.... ;)

5.  Bike more

My favorite sport has been sorely mistreated and neglected this winter.  I love to ride my bike so very much.  It is like flying.  It is like nothing else.  I get more relaxation and enjoyment out of my bike rides than any other sport.  Naturally, it's my strongest sport so this winter I focused on running and swimming.  But I miss my bike.  What is the point of fitness if not to have fun??  Plus, the Jedi is also an avoid biker.  Last summer we had a standing weekly bike date with a babysitter - it did wonders for our marriage.  We joined a couple of riding groups.  I know that I should probably continue to focus most on swimming and running, but honestly I'm thinking a 3 ride a week schedule sounds pretty nice right now.  It is the longest leg of the race, after all......

Our bikes are in love

Bike Date = Happy Date

What are your fitness goals heading into this race season??  

Seasons of Change

It's the first day of spring.  Every branch and twig is coating in a shimmering, sparkling coat of ice.  As I waited for the bus stop with my little girl, she told me how excited she was to flip the calendar in her kindergarten class from "Winter" to "Spring" (she is on calendar duty this week).  I remarked that the frost fairies seemed to still be out in force, looking at the ice-encrusted brambles and tree branches at the end of our driveway.  She then told me that she saw Tinkerbell and some of her Warm Fairy friends on a nearby rock.  Don't worry Mommy - the warm fairies will take over soon.  They are getting ready.  Gosh I hope so little girl.

With the ice melting and falling in drips from the trees, and the cardinals calling from the woods, I can almost believe her.

So it's also Post-Race Day 4 for me, after running my first half marathon over the weekend.  As you would imagine, I've been doing much more resting than working out.  In fact, this was my training log for the day after the race:

He was kidding.... I think.  ;)

I was content to sleep like the dead, hobble around, and try to plan what is coming next.  Interrupted by my daughter coming down with the stomach flu for the third time in the last week on Tuesday, depriving my husband and I of anything more than 4 hours of sleep the night before.  I attempted work, but came home early due to a queasy stomach of my own (flu, sleep deprivation, or psychosomatic result of listening to my daughter retch for six hours).  We watched Frozen, read about ten chapters of Charlotte's Web, and fell asleep at seven o clock. Back on our feet now, but I'm still feeling low level crummy.  Who knew that running and an eternal winter can take it out of you this much?  Is it normal to sleep 8-9 hours and still wake up tired?

The only ones exercising around here

In between all the sleeping, I've been doing a lot of thinking.  Perhaps it's the time of year (even if the season has yet to change) that has me thoughtful, or that finishing New Bedford was a big milestone in my training. 

But it feels like change is in the air.

Last week my husband and I made the difficult decision to scale back our cake business.  For many reasons, most of them having to do with money and time.  We are no longer selling at nearby coffee shops.  We will still bake for family and friends, and the occasional customer.  It is the right decision, but still one that is bittersweet after the two years of effort, capital, and time we invested in the business.  We aren't completely shutting down, but our focus as a family is shifting.  I'm investing more time in my job.  Jedi is pursuing some other money-making opportunities.  I also started playing with a community band in an effort to balance what was starting to feel like a life that was too focused on athletics as my only source of fun.  Changes.

Of course, it is also race planning season.  

I feel pretty solid in my races this year.  After a brief mental tussle about whether to double down and really push for the time I wanted (instead of what I ran) for a half marathon next month in Raleigh, Rio and I decided to stick to the plan of just taking it easy and enjoying the day.  If I still feel the need for redemption maybe I'll train for a fall half after triathlon season is over.  I'm already registered for one sprint tri and two Olys this summer.  That's about all I want to commit to.  Many of my friends are currently signing up for more and asking me to come along.  So far I'm resisting.  I don't want to over-race.  But I also don't want to abandon those friends that I sucked into triathlon by not being there for them.  Perhaps I can be there with signs and orange slices instead of in race gear....

I am playing with ideas of trail running, biking, and other endeavors.  Hummingbird and I went to the pool last night for my first swim set this month.  The feel of the water and the peacefulness of being back swimming was just lovely.  I was out for a while because of my hurt shoulder and the general nuttiness of the half and a household that just can't seem to stop getting sick.  It is fun to contemplate open water season.... biking season... running the rail trail through warm sunshine.

I'm not committing to any extra races for a while.  I want to use the next month to recover, to reconnect with activities I enjoy, and hopefully watch the Warm Fairies bring in spring.....

What are you looking forward to the most about spring?

Great Expectations

“We need never be ashamed of our tears.” 

― Charles Dickens, Great Expectations

Pysch.  Total literary ignoramus here.  I have never read this book.  I was a science major, skipped freshman writing (can't you tell?) and have only vague memories of being forced to read Where the Red Fern Grows and Death Be Not Proud in high school.  But I can google with the best of them.  And today I'm thinking about expectations.

Specifically, what sort of expectations are realistic for myself as an athlete, and as a mother and wife.  In general, I am the last person on earth that should ever complain about her work schedule.  However, this week I was informed that I'd be shifting my working hours significantly later on alternate weeks.  What counts as significant?  60 to 90 minutes.  Which isn't a lot, and is certainly reasonable given the business need.  But that change shaves 60 to 90 minutes off of the (already too little) time I get to spend with my kiddos before they go to bed.  I handled the news with faint grace, grumbling and sulking until today my boss finally told me to go beat up a fax machine and be done with it.

I, like many working mothers (working parents?  parents in general?) feel extremely guilty for all the time away from the home I spend.  I know the statistics - working mothers today spend fewer hours with their children than their stay-at-home counterparts, however spend significantly more time with their children than homemakers in 1965 did.  (Confession - I've watched 2 reruns of Mad Men this week just to try to make myself feel better).  Furthermore, my children are home with their father.  We are extraordinarily blessed to be able to have the Jedi at home with the kids until they are both old enough to be safely stashed in full-time (free!) public school.  It's not like my kids are sewing buttons in a Hong Kong sweat shop or locked in a dark basement smelling of cat urine until I get home from work.  So what is my deal?  

Little leprechaun ready to run.
DIY costume = Mommy SCORE!  Right?

Yesterday was my one work-from-home day per week.  I worked 9 hours (in my pajamas), squeezed in an almost 5 mile run, and still had time to spend the evening working on my daughter's leprechaun costume for the 5k we are running together this Sunday.  I built Lego creator sets with my son.  I read stories.  I cuddled at bedtime.  Then I stayed up until 10:30 dipping over 200 purple cake pops for this week's custom order.  It was by all rights, a good day.  A day I should be proud of.  Yet, as my kids laid the guilt on as thick as Nutella on graham crackers this morning when I told them I had to leave for the office, I drove away feeling bereft and guilty.  Again.  I suppose my kids have the right to expect the world of me.  What do I expect of me?  Organic dinner cooked by me every night?  Two hours of focused, quality playtime with the kids per day, regardless of how tired I/they are?  Working enough to pay the bills and trusting that my children know they are loved even if they don't see mom all the time? Still working on that answer....

We also built a leprechaun trap.
Anyone know where I can
get a toy leprechaun to put in it??

Another set of expectations on my mind are my goals once this half-marathon is over, a week from now.  I'm quite clear I'm all done running long distances for now.  So... get faster running?  Add in some strength training?  Keep working on my swim stroke (definitely, once this shoulder un-sticks).  What should I expect from myself heading into this triathlon season?  How often, how much, how far?  Sometime I envy the simplicity of goals for folks training for only one sport.  Though even then it can be rocky.  Chatted today with a friend who's husband started running less than a year ago.  He's now heading into his first marathon at paces that she, after 4 years of running, still only dreams about.  Not fair?  Sometimes not.  

I am very familiar with pace envy.  Despite confusing the heck out of my coach by running my last two runs at unprecedentedly fast paces for me (side note - having your coach write "what the heck is going on?" in your training log is always good for a giggle), I am still woefully slower than I'd like to be.  In the perfect, svelte, gazelle-like fantasies I have about my running career. Honestly I have no idea what paces/times I should be hoping for or expecting for any of the legs of this summer's races.  I have no benchmark.  But I do have a coach, and I bet he has some ideas.  I should probably discuss with him....  

Side plug - if you haven't entered our coaching giveaway yet please do - four more days!

So long as I'm throwing the world "expect" around... when can we expect an end to all this white stuff?  Yesterday's run was not at all warm, despite my husband telling me to shed a layer before I left the house (I must stop listening to him).  We set the clocks forward this weekend - a double edged sword of more difficulty getting up, but more daylight to play in after the work day ends.  Last year I distinctly remember Easter Egg hunts in two feet of snow.  I suppose this year is likely to be similar.....

Can't come soon enough

On that note, I invite you to enjoy the spring makeover I gave this blog page, and I'll leave you with another quote pillaged from the internet (thinking Charles Dickens lived in New England - no Mom not really):

“Spring is the time of year when it is summer in the sun and winter in the shade.” 
― Charles Dickens, Great Expectations

What are you looking forward to the most about spring?
Clocks forward - welcome change or evil waiting to happen?

Old-Fashioned Mashed Potatoes - Race Recap

Today was the Old-Fashioned Ten Miler, put on by the Wampanoag Road Runners in Foxboro.  Although that area got a significant amount of snow last night, I was confident with my new screw shoes and dressed perfectly for the weather.  After a great breakfast, I drove the hour and a half down to Foxboro in plenty of time for the start of the race.  Although the run was tough, I had my Garmin to keep my pace on track, my carefully crafted playlist on my iPhone to keep me company, and I finished well before 2 hours, which was my goal.  I broke the run up into 3 segments like my coach had suggested, thinking of a different friend who needed positive energy for each three mile segment.  It was a beautiful day and I'm so happy with how the race went overall, especially because this was such a critical training run/race going toward the New Bedford Half Marathon next month.

Psych!!!  None of that happened.

Ok that is not true.  Breakfast was good, and it was a beautiful day.  If you happened to be curled up sipping coffee with a book by the fireside, or <<cough cough>> at a picturesque country wine tasting like some coaches I could mention.  But in MY world, the day started with an email that the race start was pushed off from 11 am to 1 pm.  As if 11 wasn't late enough to be a nutritional challenge.  To say nothing of my ability to stay calm and cool for seven hours before the start of a race.

Beautiful snowy day, from the comfort of my house

So I test ran my screw shoes around my house - good stuff.  Headed south towards the race a little early, as the kiddos decided my extra time would be best spent going to Toys'R'Us for them.  Pretty sure none of the Sochi athletes have to worry about selecting the right Lego Creator set prior to their events.....  I arrived at the race hall about an hour before the start.  Had my lunch, and promptly realized my headphones were missing.  I sent a few frantic texts to my friend Spark who was meeting me at the race to see if she had extra.  No dice.  I went into the hall to register.

Shortly after getting my number the race organizer came over the loudspeaker announcing that the ten mile route was now a five mile route.  There was supposed to be a choice of a 5K route (that was actually shorter) and a ten mile.  Those of us who had been planning to run the 10 now could run the 5K route twice, as the town hadn't salted any of the roads that made up the ten mile course.

Spark and I at the start.
See how we still look more or less happy?

At this point my phone started melting from all the expletives I typed into it, as I vented my wrath to Spark (who hadn't arrived yet), my husband, Maid Marion who just happened to text me at the wrong time, Legos (also was a texting bystander), and most importantly my coach.  I needed to run 10 miles.  I had planned and prepared to run ten miles.  Sheriff and I decided that I would just run the loop three times. Close to 8-9 miles would be ok.  There were several other runners there who were using this race as a key training run for New Bedfored, and I was not the only one with the idea.  Spark arrived and we jogged to warm up while I further sputtered and swore while she laughed at me about my "stubbornness issues".

We lined up with the 700 or so other runners on one of the many snowy side streets that comprised the course.  At some point a gun must have went off, because people started shuffling - slipping and sliding and moving only slightly faster than walking in the three plus inches of somewhat packed snow.  My plan had been to stay with Spark, who volunteered to be my entertainment in lieu of headphones for the first loop.  I'd then continue on to the second, then keep going past the official end of the race to complete a third loop.

The thing was, the roads were terrible.  My screw shoes worked great, but even so... running through snow is HARD.  In my experience, races are usually pretty quiet.  Everyone just puts on their headphones and runs.  Today, there was a constant stream of chatter.  More experienced runners consoled themselves and partners that running five miles in these conditions was the equivalent of running ten on pavement (an opinion that my mind is having trouble accepting, but my body completely agrees with).  Many people were commenting to anyone nearby just how much this run was terrible (not the actual phrases used), that they wish they were doing anything but.  It was like running on sand.  No - running on mashed potatoes.  Around mile 2.5, when the front runners looped us, one guy joked that he was going to jump on the back bumper of the pace car.  Spark and I lost each other in the sheer concentration of making sure our feet stayed under us.  My Garmin did not work.  It never works during races.  I really  must read the manual again.  And that playlist I spent hours making last night?  Not loaded on my phone, I discovered when I decided the crowd had thinned enough to just play it for myself sans headphones.  Damn technology.

The high point of the race came around mile 3 when, during a rare patch of pavement, some guys I was running with noticed my shoes.  Did I do that?  Yes.  How?  1/2 inch hex head sheet metal screws.  That's awesome - I'd have to do that for my girlfriend.. cool that you can.  Your girlfriend sounds lame..... (ok no that's not what I said).  But it was short lived.

By the end of the first loop I'd lost any illusions that I could make three.  I forced myself to run by the end of the 5K despite the screaming in my hamstring, foot, and lower back, and pressed on through another round of the 32 minutes I'd just endured.  I finished what turned out to be a 5.3 mile run in just under 56 minutes - an overall pace of 10:35.

Done.  I got a big medal with a beer opener.

Spark, wonderful girl that she is, had stayed outside in the cold to snap a picture and catch me at the end.  As we walked back towards the hall, tears of frustration and pain pricked the backs of my eyes as I hypocritically consoled her about her time (also not what she had hoped for).  The conditions were just not meant for PRs.  We'd get it at the next race.  It's ok.  It's really ok.....

It is ok.  It is also disappointing, frustrating, and painful.  I texted my coach and told him what happened (he was very understanding), my husband (he offered to buy me wine), and Maid Marion with a report on the screw shoes, who also was very supportive.  Checked in with the parents - I'm alive.  More virtual hugs.  I had some fantastic chicken soup, got myself the largest latte possible at DD's, and then zoned out so badly on the highway I ended up in Rhode Island.  Whoops.  I try hard to avoid post-race stupidity, but it always shows up in one form or another....  I laughed out loud in the car when the highway signs welcomed me back into my own state.  Welcome to Massachusetts, dumbass!!!

Now it's the evening and I'm clean and warm.  My foot is taped.  My hamstring and back are still killing me.  My kids said I still did great.  My little girl told me, "I'd be proud of you no matter what". (More crying)  The lesson of today has to be that things don't always go the way you plan, but that you can still make the best of it and [try to] be proud of yourself.  Part of mental toughness is staying strong in non-optimal conditions, but is also accepting non-optimal results.  I've got to let it go.  After all, there's another long run coming up on my schedule in six days....

Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs - last page

The Anti-Snow Day

Some beach.... some where.....

If only.  

Disclaimer - despite this post and my last one about SAD, I am not depressed nor do I need any kind of intervention.  Though if you feel like coming over to babysit and/or bring chocolate or wine I will not turn you away, per usual.

Last night, after a full day of sledding, school, playing with friends, battling over the injustice of having to eat a healthy dinner, my kids were a little crazy.  I, too, was a little crazy after fighting my own personal wars at work, doing errands, and attempting to make 1+1=3 in our budget.  It was a bit nutty.  This is how you tell your child has started to lose it:

This is the chalk wall in their playroom.  My daughter did this solo.

• Number of snow days so far this winter?
• Number of times mom has yelled at her to eat her dinner?
• Number of times her little brother has pushed her?
• Number of days she's been imprisoned by her parents?
• Number of days until adult autonomy?

Who knows?  But, in the words of the Jedi, "it was a little RedRum-ish".  A little scary.  My daughter is so much like me that I'm pretty sure the Jedi didn't get to add any genetic material into her creation.  She might have well sprung from my forehead fully formed, Athena-style.  In full battle dress.  In fact, Jedi just sent me a text that she is sick, because she asked to take a nap saying "there's so many things in my head and I can't think of all of them at the same time".  Poor little Mini-Me.  I so wish I hadn't passed on my neuroses to her.  But I did, and she is as the universe I made her.  (For anyone feeling badly for the Jedi, don't worry.  My son is a copy of him.  It's fair).

Anyway, this incident and a recent article I read about a mom's Rock Bottom Mom Moment Caught On Camera has me thinking about parenthood, life, and the truths that we choose to share.  I think everyone has the perfectly understandable tendency to share our good moments more than our bad ones.  Our triumphs.  Those rare moments when our lives look more like Pinterest than Nanny 911.  Heck, the world is judgmental enough as it is, even when we share those moments, without inviting further criticism!

Wednesday yet another winter storm hit most of the Northeast.  My town won the snow award for Massachusetts (again).  I woke up later than I should have, did my speed workout on the treadmill, shoveled part of our 200 ft driveway for my strength workout, and then watched the kids while simultaneously trying to work remotely.  Why do one thing well when you can do multiple things badly???  Ask me how my "Hands-Free" resolution is going.  No wait... don't.  

While I was at my computer, picture after picture of my friends playing in the snow with their children, making cookies with their families, and putting healthy yummy perfect snow-day dinners in the crock pot paraded past my news feed.  Bastards.  It would seem that I alone in my whole town was climbing the walls, failing at multitasking, and utterly failing to live the Disney movie equivalent of a perfect winter New England day where everyone stays in their (perfect matching L.L.Bean) pajamas, eating whole-wheat chocolate chip cookies all day.  But the thing is.....

I think they were lying.

Keep those beautiful snapshots coming my friends, because I truly do rejoice in the moments of joy I have with my family and wish the same for everyone else.  But let's go ahead and share all the moments in between as well though, so that we're not measuring ourselves to unrealistic standards.  The moments when we are NOT at our best.  When we put on a Disney movie (not even an educational one) in order to get some work done. Or not even work - to sit in our closets and just breath for a few minutes.  Share the recipes that were utter failures (we've have a rash of these lately.  Gluten Free cooking is not going well).  Share the crummy workouts instead of yet one more inspirational "poster" about getting it done no matter what.  Because sometimes, you know what?  You just don't have it in you.  And that is ok.

I've had a week that is mediocre at best.  Stomach flu for the first 2 days.  Two treadmill runs (one speed one hills) that were less than stellar.  Last night, after the tally mark incident, I had a pretty non-ideal mommy moment.  I was about a glass and a half of wine in (not taking my own advice), and was pretty zoned out.  Sitting on the bathroom toilet, watching my son hold his breath and dunk under in the bathtub for the zillionth time.  Coming up coughing, water streaming from his nose, becoming more and more breathless.  I should probably stop him.  Meanwhile his sister was streaking through the upstairs portion of the house, completely naked except for one sock and shrieking at the top of her lungs.  Sip of wine.  It's possible I don't have a good handle on this situation. (Jedi had buried himself in the kitchen baking tonight's birthday cake order, for which I could not at all blame him).  

Why am I telling you this?  Because I want you to judge me and tell me I'm a bad parent.  (I'm sure someone will).  NO - I'm sharing this because I believe that we all have these moments.  And that maybe, if YOU have had a moment like this lately, or a crummy run, or other mini-"failure", that you'll forgive yourself for it once you are done laughing at me.  Then maybe you'll tell a friend about your moment, so that they will do the same.  Then maybe after this movement has traveled across the country and all women love and support each other, when Pinterest has been successfully been sued for the therapy bills of a generation, and all Pottery Barn furniture has been hacked up and burned in a massive bonfire of mutual acceptance, there will be peace on earth!  

Whew!  I got a little carried away there....

We can hope my superhero cape will be firmly attached around my shoulders once I get home tonight, as I am making a space-themed birthday cake for a very dear friend's baby son.  I will share the pictures.  I also decided that Pluto should stay a planet.  I'm a rebel.  Then I have Total Immersion class and a 9 mile run tomorrow morning before the baby's party.  Possibly with at least one sick child, and one with lice, as the little man's school just wrote that there's an outbreak.  Post that deliciousness folks!!!

I absolutely dare you to share a Bad Mommy, Bad Athlete, or other Bad moment in the comments.  I dare you.

I couldn't work this into the main theme of this post,
but it's too awesome not to share.
Maid Marion side-planking on top of two mini-vans.
I have no idea why.  Maybe she's stir crazy too.