Deep Satisfaction

For many, the moments of deep satisfaction - where we know down to our toes that "we did good" are few.  The hectic pace of life doesn't let appreciate them properly.  Our inner "guilt" voices don't allow us to soak them up without judgment.  But on the rare occasions that these moments do come our way, grab and hold in your heart for as long as you can.

Blowing out Olaf's campfire

This weekend my beautiful daughter turned six years old.  She is funny, smart, sweet, opinionated, and my biggest fan and #1 cheerleader.  She knows just what she wants, and makes her thoughts known when she doesn't get it (usually pretty politely, but with no ambiguity).  Just the revelation that that night in the hospital when I fought for hours to bring her into this world was six years ago is amazing.  I have a six year old.  Crazy.  The tiny little bundle has become an articulate not-so-tiny blur of constant energy and chatter.  "I love her" is inadequate.  There aren't the right words.

This is the first year that we haven't thrown a big party for her.  We took her, her brother, and her bestie to a trampoline park for an hour of open bouncing, then to her favorite burrito joint for lunch.  Grandpa & Grandma came over for lunch the next day.  I took her swimming.  No lavish presents.  No fuss.  A small cake, with gluten-free cupcakes and cake pops for me and her brother (Frozen, of course).  I had a lot of fun making Olaf the Snowman.  A very relaxed, low stress birthday.  She loved it.  As I tucked her into bed, she told me, "Mommy this really was the best birthday ever".

Deep satisfaction in making my girl so happy.  Also in being her mom.  I am not perfect, but I'm a pretty good mom.  There's no way my girl would be turning out so well if I wasn't.  Jedi and I are doing this Mom & Dad thing pretty well.  That feels good.

Jedi in midair!  The aerial skills...

Bounce!!

In the midst of the birthday celebrations, I had this pesky long run to deal with.  My foot felt good - I was equal parts chomping at the bit to get running again after a few days off, and terrified of taking on nine miles.  Come Sunday morning I had 3 options:

a) Run all 9 miles inside on the treadmill in the morning before my parents came for lunch
b) Run 5 miles inside in the morning, then another 4 in the evening (in case my foot was having trouble).  Twice in one day.  Oof.
c) throw all caution to the wind and run outside, despite the cold and snowfall.

I agonized a bit a lot, and chose option 3.  It was nine degrees out.  Not counting the wind chill.  But it was also absolutely beautiful out - clear blue skies and a coat of crystal white over the landscape.  If I was gonna suffer for nearly 2 hours, I was not going to do it staring at the unfinished wall of my basement.

I ran a route that I'd mapped out on MapMyRide, and that was one of my bike routes.  Let me say that again - I ran a route that I used to train on my bike.  The footing was a little tough - mostly slush and loosely packed snow.  My pace wasn't awesome.  I stopped to take pictures, to drink, to fiddle with my phone.  To put on and take off my gloves and scarf at least five times.  The wind was brutal.  The hills became brutal.  I ran into the next town and back...

Town line

The worst moment came when I realized that my carefully planned route was EIGHT miles, not nine.  Just when I wanted to quit more than anything, I had to run past my own house, beckoning with its warmth, and to the end of the road and back to get the last mile in.  I feel this deserves extra perseverance points.

9 miles, 1:46:01

In the end, I did good.  I was a bit nervous to report my time to my coach, but his response made me laugh out loud:

"With this workout completed you could have pretty much said anything other than " I was attacked by wolves or eaten by a bear" and I would have been deliriously happy. This is uncharted territory and completing this distance period, regardless or pace or snapping some pics, is epic especially with an injury scare earlier. Again we are simply working on endurance and getting your body used to distances like these. Not trying to lock in paces or score PRs. I know you just took a rest day but you get another tomorrow as reward. I forbid cardio. But yoga/stretching/smacking the kids around is cool. Congrats!"

Did I mention I love my Sheriff?  Deep satisfaction in pushing through this workout.  In doing something hard.  In not taking the easy way out (not that I think there's really any way to run nine miles).

Today I am tired, I am sore.  I am really, really, really sore.  But I feel peaceful and proud.  Loved and valuable.  I'm going to hold onto the feeling.

Go ahead and brag.  Tell me what you've done that you feel deeply satisfied by?