Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Bible Smashing

No, this post is not about dissing the Catholic church or similar.  Yesterday I got the results of the MRI on my foot.  Delivered by the nurse at my general practitioner's office, who had zero other pertinent information (Like what now?  How do we fix it?  When can I walk again? etc.  eye roll).  Equally helpful was my podiatrist's office, who flat out refused to talk to me, look at me or my charts, whatsoever until my appointment tomorrow.  Thanks, medical science.

I know I know.  The suspense is killing you.  It just about near killed me too, because after five weeks in a cast and on crutches, I have absolutely no broken, stressed, or otherwise harmed bones anywhere.  In other words, there was never any need for me to be in a walking boot or crutches in the first place.  You've got to be kidding me.  I've wasted the last 5 weeks, my life, my work, my physical fitness, and all the strength in my lower leg for NOTHING.  The first thing I did after I hung up was march down to my car (I was in the office) and throw my crutches and boot in the trunk and slam the door.  Then stalked back into the building looking really pissed.  The receptionist was very confused, bless her heart.

See that tiny black dot near the arrow?  It shouldn't be there.
Ok - it's not exactly nothing.  What I have is a small ganglion cyst sitting right next to one of the key nerve junctures in the foot.  What it is is a small pouch of fluid that forms associated with a joint, usually in the wrist but sometimes in the foot as well.  The cyst often forms as a result of repetitive trauma, which makes a lot of sense, for a runner like myself.  This is also where the "rachet" for the laces of my bike shoes is placed, so a lot of pressure on that area when I ride.  Like the 100 miles I did the weekend I got hurt.   Mine is right where the first metatarsal meets the bones of the foot - right near under that big tangle of nerves in the picture

Nerves of the foot

Until recently, the home and official remedy was to hit the cyst as hard as you possibly can with the heaviest book you own (usually the bible).  Really.  I am not making this up.  The idea is that by whacking the stuffing out of the cyst, you pop it, your body absorbs the goo, and in about 50% of the time it doesn't come back.  Great odds, eh?  Heathen that I am, I don't own a bible, so Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire is gonna have to do the trick.  Any volunteers?  No?  Jedi isn't signing up, so some of my coworkers said they'd do it.  Gotta love a supportive work environment.....

Many people find comfort in religion.....
 Alternatives to crushing my foot with a large dictionary and causing further damage is to have the cyst drained or removed surgically. Or wait and see if it will go away on its own.  Now this is the part I don't know about yet and have to talk to the doc about.  The cyst is possibly too small to drain, and also in an area with a lot of nerves - in other words where it might be ill advised to have someone go after with a knife.  I have two appointments in the next two days to meet with two different podiatrists to figure all this out.  Because although I am thoroughly enjoying not being booted and walking around like a (somewhat) normal person, it still hurts like h*ll.  Knowing what it is isn't changing that.

Group stretch!!!

So in the last 2 days I've been stretching.  Practicing walking with both feet.  Frankly, how to taper off the pain meds I've been on (if I can) without going into crazy withdrawal.  That last one is something I am ashamed of, but feel like I have to mention in this blog for the sake of being honest.  Trying to integrate back into the flow of my regular life.  That last one is a problem, because I've realized my regular life is INSANE.  Work is batty.  I had three cake orders come out of the woodwork for this weekend.  The kids are not down with my new-found freedom after a month of being chained to them.  I'm trying to figure out how to exercise again.  Christmas presents.  Social calendars.  What needs to be remembered in backpacks for school.  More work.  More kids.  How did I ever do this?  And how am I going to do it again?  Totally overwhelmed.  While I'm very grateful nothing is broken, I've gotten whiplash from going from zero back into life in the space of one phone call.  God help me.  Oh right - he already wrote that nice thick Bible.....

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