Great Expectations

“We need never be ashamed of our tears.” 

― Charles Dickens, Great Expectations

Pysch.  Total literary ignoramus here.  I have never read this book.  I was a science major, skipped freshman writing (can't you tell?) and have only vague memories of being forced to read Where the Red Fern Grows and Death Be Not Proud in high school.  But I can google with the best of them.  And today I'm thinking about expectations.

Specifically, what sort of expectations are realistic for myself as an athlete, and as a mother and wife.  In general, I am the last person on earth that should ever complain about her work schedule.  However, this week I was informed that I'd be shifting my working hours significantly later on alternate weeks.  What counts as significant?  60 to 90 minutes.  Which isn't a lot, and is certainly reasonable given the business need.  But that change shaves 60 to 90 minutes off of the (already too little) time I get to spend with my kiddos before they go to bed.  I handled the news with faint grace, grumbling and sulking until today my boss finally told me to go beat up a fax machine and be done with it.

I, like many working mothers (working parents?  parents in general?) feel extremely guilty for all the time away from the home I spend.  I know the statistics - working mothers today spend fewer hours with their children than their stay-at-home counterparts, however spend significantly more time with their children than homemakers in 1965 did.  (Confession - I've watched 2 reruns of Mad Men this week just to try to make myself feel better).  Furthermore, my children are home with their father.  We are extraordinarily blessed to be able to have the Jedi at home with the kids until they are both old enough to be safely stashed in full-time (free!) public school.  It's not like my kids are sewing buttons in a Hong Kong sweat shop or locked in a dark basement smelling of cat urine until I get home from work.  So what is my deal?  

Little leprechaun ready to run.
DIY costume = Mommy SCORE!  Right?

Yesterday was my one work-from-home day per week.  I worked 9 hours (in my pajamas), squeezed in an almost 5 mile run, and still had time to spend the evening working on my daughter's leprechaun costume for the 5k we are running together this Sunday.  I built Lego creator sets with my son.  I read stories.  I cuddled at bedtime.  Then I stayed up until 10:30 dipping over 200 purple cake pops for this week's custom order.  It was by all rights, a good day.  A day I should be proud of.  Yet, as my kids laid the guilt on as thick as Nutella on graham crackers this morning when I told them I had to leave for the office, I drove away feeling bereft and guilty.  Again.  I suppose my kids have the right to expect the world of me.  What do I expect of me?  Organic dinner cooked by me every night?  Two hours of focused, quality playtime with the kids per day, regardless of how tired I/they are?  Working enough to pay the bills and trusting that my children know they are loved even if they don't see mom all the time? Still working on that answer....

We also built a leprechaun trap.
Anyone know where I can
get a toy leprechaun to put in it??

Another set of expectations on my mind are my goals once this half-marathon is over, a week from now.  I'm quite clear I'm all done running long distances for now.  So... get faster running?  Add in some strength training?  Keep working on my swim stroke (definitely, once this shoulder un-sticks).  What should I expect from myself heading into this triathlon season?  How often, how much, how far?  Sometime I envy the simplicity of goals for folks training for only one sport.  Though even then it can be rocky.  Chatted today with a friend who's husband started running less than a year ago.  He's now heading into his first marathon at paces that she, after 4 years of running, still only dreams about.  Not fair?  Sometimes not.  

I am very familiar with pace envy.  Despite confusing the heck out of my coach by running my last two runs at unprecedentedly fast paces for me (side note - having your coach write "what the heck is going on?" in your training log is always good for a giggle), I am still woefully slower than I'd like to be.  In the perfect, svelte, gazelle-like fantasies I have about my running career. Honestly I have no idea what paces/times I should be hoping for or expecting for any of the legs of this summer's races.  I have no benchmark.  But I do have a coach, and I bet he has some ideas.  I should probably discuss with him....  

Side plug - if you haven't entered our coaching giveaway yet please do - four more days!

So long as I'm throwing the world "expect" around... when can we expect an end to all this white stuff?  Yesterday's run was not at all warm, despite my husband telling me to shed a layer before I left the house (I must stop listening to him).  We set the clocks forward this weekend - a double edged sword of more difficulty getting up, but more daylight to play in after the work day ends.  Last year I distinctly remember Easter Egg hunts in two feet of snow.  I suppose this year is likely to be similar.....

Can't come soon enough

On that note, I invite you to enjoy the spring makeover I gave this blog page, and I'll leave you with another quote pillaged from the internet (thinking Charles Dickens lived in New England - no Mom not really):

“Spring is the time of year when it is summer in the sun and winter in the shade.” 
― Charles Dickens, Great Expectations

What are you looking forward to the most about spring?
Clocks forward - welcome change or evil waiting to happen?

Q&A with The Sheriff - Coaching GIVEAWAY

So you think you need a triathlon coach???

This represents the bulk of my training, pre-coach

y now, I think most everyone is at least passingly familiar with my triathlon coach, Anthony Bagnetto. Head coach at Anthony Bagnetto Fitness, long time friend, and very patiently tolerant of his nickname, The Sheriff. (Full story behind the nickname here, but basically he enforces my training, plus we were in Robin Hood together as children. Him as the Sheriff of Nottingham, me as his wife. It's funny. Go with it).

While I have only been a triathlete for a handful of months, Anthony has years of experience both as an athlete and USAT coach. Some highlights: Anthony was a competitive swimmer in high school, then moved to New York City after college in 2002 and became a strength coach & trainer. He was bit by the triathlon bug in 2006, and since has raced all distances - some of the highlights being 70.3 Montauk, Escape from Alcatraz, Ironman Wisconsin, and most recently USAT Age Group Nationals for the Olympic distance this year. This year he's already run the NYC Central Park Marathon and is taking on IM Lake Placid in July. He is a Level I USAT Coach, trains athletes of all levels, and was voted "One of NYC's 15 Nicest Instructors" on RateYourBurn.

What my coach secretly thinks about me.
Just kidding.  I'm way too awesome and he's too nice.

After my big foot injury last fall, I gave in and admitted I was in way over my head. I needed help, both get back on the triathlon wagon (time trial?), but also to do so without further injury. Anthony agreed to coach me. I've since sent him endless emails (three so far today), angry texts from messed up races, questions, some cake pops and some girl scout cookies.

 FTC disclaimer: Anthony coaches me for free. Or the joy of watching a crazy person fumble around. I'm still not quite sure. However all my opinions here are my own and are in no way influenced by this arrangement. Me being me, I would still say what I think.

Before I get into talking about my personal experience having a (totally knowledgeable, compassionate and awesome) USAT coach, let's do some Q&A with Anthony:

What do you love about coaching? Training and coaching are awesome and something that becomes more rewarding over time. As my clients get better, I get to watch them accomplish goals, fulfill dreams and in turn I become a better coach because of it.

What is the hardest part about coaching? The hardest part of the job is easily the shifting schedules and obligations of my clients and attempting to juggling those with their training and racing goals. Combining the two, in real time day to day and making the correct adjustments and decisions is very challenging.

Which sport is the hardest? For you, for your athletes? Generally, swimming is the biggest hurdle for the majority of my clients. Not just learning proper form and getting a feel for the water, but adjusting to the chaos of the swim start and learning not to panic around others. Luckily I came from a swimming background so that was not an issue for me. But I was just a naturally poor runner. I didn't enjoy it, I didn't want to do it. So of course, its what I ended up concentrating the most on and its where I have seen the most improvement.

What is the advantage of a coach over an out-of-the-box training plan? This is a great question and there are a handful of factors to address when considering one or the other. The largest and most obvious advantage is the ability to have someone who has more experience, depth of knowledge and vested interest in making you a better athlete, looking over every aspect of your training. Your coach is a dynamic resource you can use anytime you like for nearly any training related reason. Depending on your personality and experience in the sport, you can use their expertise in whatever way works best for you. This is often why coaches have different tiers of training. For those more experienced, time constrained athletes, a coach can simply be there to plug in workouts, make adjustments and do the heavy lifting so the athlete can concentrate on other things in their life. For a more inexperienced athlete, the coach can do all of the above and take on many more roles like confidant, guru, soundboard and above all, teacher. [CT here - I'm gonna add "marriage counselor and therapist" in here as well. See below]

An out of the box plan can, of course, be useful. But its very limited in the direction it gives you. It will attempt to adjust for different athlete abilities and an experienced racer can make those adjustments if they have the time, energy and inclination. Its not as easy for a beginner or time crunched client.

Is there a level/distance at which an athlete really needs a coach? Oly? HIM? IM? This is also a great question. And the quick answer is no. There are distances that require more knowledge, expertise and have less room for error (generally the longer ones) but a dedicated athlete with lots of time who is willing to endure lots of trial, error, and varying degrees of failure can self-train any distance. But, if you have bigger goals, less time, or simply want to make the transition into the sport smoother, than a coach at any distance will be recommended.

What are some of the most common mistakes you see relatively new athletes making? The most common class of mistakes I see new athletes making are usually intensity and volume based. Since this is a new and exciting endeavor, athletes are usually very excited to make huge gains as fast as possible at any cost. Their hard workouts are too hard, their easy workouts are too hard and their volume in the beginning is too much. This can last without consequence sometimes for weeks, but eventually one of two things happen: burnout or injury. Burnout can mean mental fatigue or physical breakdown with workouts becoming executed more and more poorly. And injury can happen anywhere in the kinetic chain where unknown weakness lie. [Me again. He's talking about me. And probably some other beginners, but... me.]

For me, having a coach has made a world of difference in my training, as well as my day to day life.  First - I tend to be a worrier.  Do I run or rest when I'm sick?  How far should I go?  Which drills are best?  Hills or speedwork?  All these are no longer my problem.  I punch in what days I'm available in Training Peaks, and Sheriff does all the thinking for me.  I just have to execute.  It truly takes a lot of stress off.  Especially when I hit bumps in the road, like flare ups of my foot injury, my sore shoulder, or other stuff like having to work late and missing workouts.  Furthermore, I have confidence that I'm not going to overdo it.  I hurt myself last year doing too much.  I still can't put my finger on what exactly the activity was, or where the breaking point was, but I'm 100% sure it won't happen again.  Not when Sheriff is monitoring every tweaked muscle, ache, and physical weirdness I experience.

At the finish of IM Wisconsin

Which brings me to the next benefit - psychological support.  Let's face it - there's only so much triathlon information your husband, friends, and family can absorb gracefully.  While I try not to smother him in emails, having a dedicated person that actually cares as much about my shoulder pain, the exact pace I ran this morning's run, and my balance in the pool is really helpful.  (This is the marriage counselor part.  Jedi has a lot less whining, hemming and hawing to listen to.  He's the Sheriff's biggest fan).  You don't get this kind of benefit from a training plan.

Furthermore, athletically I am actually doing really well.  My overall run pace has dropped at least a minute since last year.  I'm more comfortable and fast in the water.  True, I attribute a lot of the latter to my Total Immersion class, but I give the Sheriff credit for making sure my lazy self gets suited up and into the pool twice a week.  I'm 100% sure I would not be taking on my first half marathon in a week with as much confidence as I am without Anthony's coaching.  Every workout I do now is targeted.  Purposeful.  Not just putting in the time or miles.  The expense of a triathlon coach, in my mind, is completely worth it because of the increased efficiency and support you get out of your training experience.

So do you want some of this??

Anthony has kindly agreed to donate an hour's consultation to one of my readers.  A $50 value - the purpose of this session would be to gather your information, training history, goals, and give overall advice and planning for your upcoming season.  Session can be via phone, Skype, or whatever media you're comfortable with.  This is a great opportunity to check in with a seasoned coach and make sure you're on the right path the season.  You can also send him follow-up questions for anything not addressed.  Enter below and good luck!!  Also be sure to head over to Sheriff's website to peruse his options for ongoing coaching.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Official Rules:

• NO PURCHASE NECESSARY
• You must be 18 years of age or older and is limited to U.S. residents only
• The sweepstakes will run from 3/5/14 at 12:00am EST through 3/12/14 at 12:00am EST
• In order to enter to win you must use the Rafflecopter to earn entries.
• The winner will receive a one-hour consultation valued at $50.
• The number of eligible entries received determines the odds of winning.
• The winner will be selected at random on 3/13/14 and will be notified via email. Winner will have 48 hours to respond to email  If the prize winner forfeits or does not claim the prize, prize will be re-awarded, in Sponsor’s sole discretion.
• All entrants are bound by the official rules of this giveaway.
• All entries are verified by myself.
• VOID WHERE PROHIBITED BY LAW

Shhhhhh..... Not So Loud!

Ok world.  Shush.  And be less bright, for that matter.  It's Migraine Time.  I don't get them often (once a month or less), but when they do come, boy do they lay me out.  I get the full gamut.  Light and sound sensitivity, nausea, vomiting, plus of course the pain. Oh the pain.... 

We had just a wonderful, wonderful weekend.  On Friday I got to create these cupcakes for a little boy's baby shower:

I had a really great Total Immersion class Saturday morning working with my tempo trainer, counting strokes at all different paces.  Then a not-so-peppy treadmill run, but still.  Got it done.

I then got to make this cake and cupcakes for my beloved little niece who turned four.  It was so much fun to put together.  I've wanted to make a stump cake for a long time, so when my sister-in-law told me the theme of my niece's party I immediately called "dibs".

Fairies and gnomes - such a fun theme

Plus on Sunday we went up to NH to her party and spent the day with my brother and sister-in-law.  It was really just a lovely party.  I was the resident face-painter.  I turned about 20 little girls and boys in to fairy princesses (ok and some superheros).  There were costumes, crafts, and a fairy parade. We got to spend a good chunk of time at a nearby science museum with the kids after, and rounded out with a nice dinner at a restaurant in Hanover.

 Unfortunately, by the time we got home on Sunday night, I knew I was in for it.  The aura was starting.  I tried to head it off with some pain killers, lots of water, and magnesium tablets, but I awoke yesterday morning in no shape to function.  I called into work and spent the better part of the day resting, quietly playing with kids (when they were capable of quietly playing, which was hit or miss) and not much else notable.  Trainer ride?  Gone.

Today I'm still in the midst, but in the land of the living... .somewhat.  I've been wearing my sunglasses at the office all day.  I've earned a few new nicknames... Bono.  Terminator.  Ah well.  At least I get credit for being here!

Cube selfie

I had aspirations of hitting the gym on the way home for my scheduled run, but it's not going to happen.  I talked briefly with my coach and he agreed that with the half marathon a little over a week out, the hay is already in the barn.  The most I could hope to accomplish would be to barf on the treadmill.  Which I'm not sure if my membership fees cover (clearly I'd barf on the gym treadmill, not my own.  I'd have to clean and replace my own....)

The Jedi and I have also been having some talks about the direction of Project Greenhalgh in the next few months/year.  It make look to the causal observer that I change my mind a lot.  I tried Clean Eating for a little over a month and gave it up.  I tried training for a half marathon... and don't want to do another.  We started our cake business  less than two years ago and I go through ups and down of how much work I feel like doing.  But life changes, situations change, attitudes change, and you have to keep evaluating what works and what doesn't.

This week is Dr. Seuss's birthday!

After talking to the Sheriff about it, I'm cutting my training load back to 4-5 days per week, instead of 6.  He's confident I can still be ready for the Oly distance come tri season, and I really don't want to work out more than an hour at a time (unless it's a bike ride) and 6 days a week.  I'm probably going to get back in touch with my musical side and join the community band.  Start grooming the kids for future band-geekdom.  We're going to phase back the cake stuff somewhat so we have more time to devote to the kids and relaxation.  Something we all need more of, right?  My SIL asked what I'd call my blog if we stopped the cake business.  Just a triathlete?  

The "Sometimes-Cupcake-Yoga-French horn-Book Club-Hiking-Skiing-Crocheting Triathlete" is just so much harder to say.  Though maybe I could make it an acronym....

The decision to cut back training is only made easier by the one fly in my ointment (beside this migraine which has to die sometime) - my rotator cuff in my right shoulder is distinctly unhappy.  Has been for a couple of weeks, now getting pretty distracting.  I talked to Sheriff and Gill - both agree no swimming for a while.  Which is tough because I feel like I was just getting in the groove, as it were.  I'm still planning on attending the final two TI classes and hopping in the pool for my final video session and analysis.  Stay tuned for my final review and wrap-up of my Total Immersion experience.  But in the meantime - back to physical therapy and staying on dry land.

Who else is a migraine sufferer?  What's your go-to treatment(s)?

Tell me about your hobbies outside of fitness.  Are you a secret knitter?  Kick-boxer?  Artist?  I want to know!

A Matter of Perspective

World English Dictionary

perspective  (pəˈspɛktɪv)
— n
1.	a way of regarding situations, facts, etc, and judging their relative importance
2.	the proper or accurate point of view or the ability to see it; objectivity:  try to get some perspective on your troubles

Since yesterday I ran my longest run ever - 12 miles on the treadmill, this is my current perspective:

or a long run....

Our house is a split-level.  Which means there's a half a flight up from the main floor to the bedrooms (and bathroom), a half a flight down to the playroom (and other bathroom), and another half a flight down into the basement where my treadmill and other instruments of torture live.  As we designed and built our house, this was intentional at the time.  I was am still traumatized by when my then-15-month-old daughter fell down the stairs at our old house, hitting her head on the baby gate at the bottom.  It raised the most impressive purple blue bruise you've ever seen on a little bald head, and resulted in 2 visits to the ER and a CT scan.  (She is fine).  So when we moved, it seemed a great idea to have several smaller flights of stairs in our house.  Until I started triathlon training.....

But let me back up a scootch.  I had one more long run on my schedule to complete for my half-marathon training, supposedly on Saturday.  I also have two big cake orders (one for family), swimming class, work, and the knowledge that I usually can't walk or function after long runs due to muscle and stomach pain.   This run was looming large in my mind.  Plus the kids are so sick of winter that the little guy is passing the time by perfecting his "Annoying Little Brother" routine, and the little girl is near constantly crying for my attention and to please get her brother the heck off of her.  Awesome.

Can barely see the end of driveway.

 Then, yesterday around lunchtime I decided I'd fit it in after work.  I was working from home.  The weather report was totally clear (even if the windchill had the temp down into the single digits).  I could suck it up, bundle up, get it done, then collapse afterwards, leaving the rest of the weekend blissfully free for everything else.  Sheriff gave me the go-ahead, saying "do this any day you can make it the main priority".  Silly man.  As if I ever get ONE main priority....

Within minutes of making this plan and having it blessed by coach, husband, and kids (ok not blessed but...), it turned into a white-out outside.  Clear skies and clear roads were gone.  I was furious.  Mother Nature seriously has it in for me.  The feeling is becoming mutual.

 By now the idea of having the blessed run over with was so ingrained in my mind that I decided to not let the elements win.  I would charge up the IPad, load on some Netflix, and hit the treadmill.  Which I did.

I mimicked the race course, doing the first 5 miles at a 2% incline and the rest flat except for the last mile, which went back to a 1% incline.  I took a walk break at miles 4 and 8 to drink and to take in some Pocketfuel.  I watched The Tudors and Breaking Bad.  I watch the kids zoom around the basement and crash their big trucks into one another until I begged my husband to take them back upstairs.  I wanted to quit after mile 7 or so.  But I didn't.

Final time 2:07:55.  And apparently 14 calories.
I now know when my 'mill's automatic shutoff is.

My first reaction after finishing was panic and anger, as my kids both rushed to hug me, taking me out at the knees and causing me nearly fall on them.  Seriously kids, give mom a break.  We need to install an escape route from the pain cave that doesn't immediately pass the playroom.  My second reaction was disappointment at my pace and overall feeling.  Which was exhaustion and pain.  No exhilaration or endorphins here, but lots of relief to have the run done.

Shouldn't I be feeling ready?  Excited?  Energized?  After a good nights sleep, some chats with friends, and careful consideration, I've decided that I need to put this in perspective.  A side effect of hanging out with amazing athletes, both in real life and via social media (which is sadly at least half of my social life), is that you get a skewed perspective on what is "normal".  Most people don't run 10+ miles for fun.  Those that do are often sore afterwards.  A mile at 10:30 pace is the same distance as a mile at 8:30 pace.  It just takes longer.  Duh.

So instead of comparing my current state to say, my coach who has been an IM triathlete for years and just ran a marathon, or my running friends who've been at it for years, let's compare yesterday's run to this chick:

This was me less than a year ago.  Posing at the Mile 3 marker of one of my very first 5ks.  BEFORE the start of the race.  Two hours later I would be quite inebriated watching the St. Patrick's Day parade from a local beer garden, having walked half of the route and gone straight to the pub after.  Actually, it was a really fun race.  But I could only jog a mile, I never had aspirations of going farther, and I'm pretty sure that roll under my race bib is actually my muffin top, not something in a kangaroo pocket.

Fast forward four months to July 2013, when I completed my first sprint triathlon.  The fact that it was over 95 degrees that day is something, but in reality it took me over 32 minutes to cover 2.5 miles at a shuffle so slow I really could have walked.

Fast forward another 3 months.  October.  I'm on crutches.  Couldn't walk for 5 weeks, much less run.

December.  Two months ago.  Just wrapping up the Couch to 5k plan.  I could run, but only for a few minutes at a time, and then only at about 12:00 pace.

Yesterday.  12 miles at 10:40 pace.  In two weeks I will complete my first half-marathon in under 2:30 (barring natural or other disasters).  

Furthermore, I'm very excited to be able to tell you all that my favorite tri-friend Gypsy will be joining me!  She's jumping into the race to keep me company, stay with me, and make sure I finish. Since I did my first triathlon with her, and watching her train for the Boston Half last fall was a major inspiration for me taking on the 13.1 distance, I couldn't be more happy to have her.  I would wax poetic about it longer, but it would just embarrass her.  I can see her shaking her head as I type this.  Still.  Pretty psyched.

Look out New Bedford!!!

How do you keep perspective on your fitness journey?  Tell me how far you've come!

Phantom Babies and Near-Spring Fever

This is my brain.  My brain pretty much every waking second (and some of the non-waking ones).  Except with way more boxes.  Kindergarten registration forms, obtaining used ski equipment, scheduling a two hour long run around the daily predicted snowstorms.  Why is the cat throwing up?  How are we going to use two pounds of organic mustard greens from this week's delivery?  When will we get our tax refund?  Can we afford a vacation this year? And when in the week are all of these things going to be accomplished???  And on and on......

Multitasking is the meat and potatoes of a mom's existence.  Work, kids, marriage, throw in some athletics, some hobbies, finances, a social life - you know the drill.  Most of the time I manage this all pretty well- with a modicum of grace (dare I say it?) and without too much strife.  As my mom once said to me - "Miranda, it's just multi-tasking!!"  But the ability to stay calm while juggling too many responsibilities is one of the first things to go when anxiety and depression start getting to me.

Part of me would like nothing more than to write a chirpy post about how it's two weeks out to my first half marathon.  I feel ready!  I feel excited!  Plug in yet another funny cartoon about the Polar Vortex (which I'm increasingly convinced was manufactured by Disney as a marketing ploy to promote Frozen.  They have the clout to do it....) and be done with it.  But many of my readers have expressed to me, either publicly or privately, they they appreciate that I "am real" in my blog.  There are 1000 fitness blogs out there, and my fitness journey is by no means exceptional to the point of being interesting on its own.  So... here's the real scoop.

It is, but...

It's the end of February, which I have already stated as the worst time of the year.  I'm starting to unravel a bit.  A little sad, a lot crazy.  Lots of not wanting to get out of bed (which really, why would you want to when it's this cold and dark?).  Earlier this week, in reaction to wistfulness over my skiing and reading Big Kids, I convinced myself I was pregnant.  My evidence?  I'm tired all the time, and hungry all the time.  Seriously - I eat everything that's not nailed down (Clean eating, what?).  Gee, what other reasons could there be for that?  7+ hours of workouts a week??  And that being pregnant would mean I'd have a bona fide reason to stop doing such long runs.  Plus my existing, real children are growing up too fast, and they are very cute, so clearly another one would be equally cute and cool.  Phantom crazy baby.  Mommy's off the deep end.

I Am Here.

Clarification - it's not medically possible for me to be pregnant, so please hold the gifts and phone calls.

Depression, whether it is seasonal, generalized, anxiety-related, or otherwise, can be very difficult to describe.  The best way I can try is to say that it's a disconnect between your reality and how you react to your reality.  You know that you have all these wonderful things in your life - warm home, beautiful children, a loving spouse, great family... and yet you can't quite connect to them.  Imagine being thirsty and having a glass of water in front of you, and yet when you reach for it, your hand passes through it as if you are a ghost.  You know it's there, you just can't grab it or feel it or touch it.  You're removed from your own reality.  Some people feel lethargic, some spin madly with obsessive thoughts (me), some withdraw completely - everyone's experience is different.

If you know someone who is having a tough time with such issues, please know that trying to "cheer them up" is just not effective.  Do not keep pointing out that there is a glass of water in front of them.  It's right there!  Grab it!!  Just cheer up!!  Trust me, if they could they would.  I am fully aware that I have wonderful kids and a great job and I'm doing well in my training.  I also know that nothing is really going to help me fully appreciate these things until spring arrives and takes away my February blues/psychosis.  So I get to wait.  That's ok.  I can wait.  I do this every year - it's fine.

________________________________________

So what about that little race coming up?

The New Bedford Half Marathon is 18 days away (but who's counting?).  Physically, I am ready for it.  My last long run went really well.  I have one more 12 miler this weekend, and then shorter runs until race day.  I even will possibly have a very good friend at my side for the race.  (More on that later).  All good things.

I started running longer distances because I had a number of friends who are half marathoners or marathoners.  I wanted to keep up with them, be able to run with them, but mostly I wanted to see what it was like.  If I could do it.  How my car would look with a 13.1 sticker on it.  Just kidding.  I'm not stickering my car.

Maybe it's because I've done a lot of my training solo, and in the cold months.  Maybe it's because my body (GI tract) hasn't adjusted to the long distances.  But here today, in this moment based on how I've been feeling over the last several weeks of training, I don't think long distance running is for me.  I realize this is the opposite of a motivational message.  Sorry folks.  Cupcake Triathlete Inspiration Fail. 

As we strive for new goals, to improve ourselves, and to push our limits, I think it's important to pay attention to our bodies and minds and be open to honest feedback.  My body and mind are telling me that I don't enjoy much over 6 miles.  I love being able to bust out a 5k like its nothing.  The fact that I woke up yesterday and ran 5 miles on the 'mill before work and didn't think much of it is extraordinary (for me).  But honestly, long runs do not make me feel physically good.  Or emotionally better in any way.  Certainly not more than something in the sweet spot of 45-60 minutes.  I don't like having to find a three hour block of time every weekend to run - I've got too much going on with the family and the cake business.  Plus the desire to relax!!  Read a book with kitty.  Play tetris with the kids (the real kind, not the one in my head).

I fully reserve the right to change my mind once its warmer.  Maybe running for hours through the warm spring sun or the crisp autumn leaves will feel completely different than doing so over ice-covered streets with screws in my running shoes.  Though if it's nice enough to do that, I'd rather spend those hours on my bike.  Oh my bike... I miss you so.....

I'm not sure what this means for my Rock'n'Roll half marathon in April with Rio.  I think she will forgive me if I punk off a bit.  If we take walking breaks to watch the bands and generally take in the experience.  I will give New Bedford all I've got, and then I'm looking forward to backing off running.  Getting back on my bike.  More pool time.  More yoga.  Training for sprint and Oly-distance triathlons (the run leg is only 10k).  Spring winds and the snowbanks receding.  My mind quieting down again.  So much to look forward to....

After yesterday's morning run.
The bulbs in my basement pot are starting to sprout!

What are you looking forward to most about spring?  

Has it sprung where you are, or are you still Frozen?

Run the Mile You're In

Much advice for running and triathlon is quite transferable to everyday life.  One recent piece of advice I heard, regarding my upcoming half marathon, is

Run the Mile You're In

In other words, don't psych yourself out by looking too far forward into a long race.  Don't let previous setbacks throw you.  Run as you are, in this moment, in this mile, until your race is done.  Easier said than done, no?  Even harder to practice in life overall.  Being present, not worrying about the future.

Friday's short run.  Great run whichever device you believe.

I had am amazing weekend.  I also had an incredibly worry-filled weekend.  My 10.5 mile long run was scheduled for Saturday, since we were going skiing with family on Sunday.  After last weekend's disastrous race, and despite a good run on Friday at lunch, I was nervous.  Strike that, I was terrified.  I got myself so worked up that by Friday night, while out at a painting party with friends, I had the glass of wine two glasses of wine I'd promised myself I wouldn't, just to calm my nerves.  Even though I knew I was heading out first thing in the morning.

When painting wine, is unreasonable
to not drink wine, no?

My anxiety was particularly stupid, because I was being joined by friends.  On Thursday, Hummingbird texted me and told me that for her own sanity she was coming out with me.  I'd have adult supervision!  Furthermore, we were picking up Gypsy at the 6.5 mile mark and I'd have TWO of my best buddies to carry me home.  I had a route planned.  My coach had suggested that I make my long runs mimic the course for the New Bedford HM as much as possible.  Given that the HM course is mostly flat, that isn't possible in my town.  The half has an overall elevation gain of 176 ft.  This run was 776 feet.  The best I could do....

Of course the weather for the run was perfect.  A beautiful day, despite the occasional icy patch that had us jumping and whooping between strides.  The miles fell away quickly while Hummingbird and I talked about everything under the sun, heavy on the race discussion.  Another pearl of wisdom?  Run in your own shoes.  Don't compare yourself to others, because you don't know their story.  True to racing, true for life.  We got to Gypsy's house a little later than planned, but still kept good pace.  Gypsy with her fresh legs pulled us home (up the biggest hill in town), with overall negative splits for the nearly 11 mile run.  

It was just about as perfect as you could ask for.  All that worrying the day before was wasted.  If I'd "run the mile I was in", I'd have enjoyed the painting party a lot more and saved myself a day of anxiety.  

We spent the rest of Saturday taking the kids to the botanical garden, puttering around the house, and in my case, curled up in a ball on the bed with stomach pains (my standard after long runs.  Still.  National Drink a Margarita Day was ruined).  Yet despite the lesson of the morning, I still managed to fit in plenty of worrying about the next activity - a family ski trip on Sunday.  

My reward.  PJ pants, kitty
and video games.

My daughter running laps
at the botanical garden in the
finally-warm weather.

And tho she be but little, 

she is fierce.

I learned to ski as an adult, and it's been six years since I was on downhill skis.  Jedi had taken my little guy skiing twice already this year, and it would be my daughter's first time.  We were meeting Jedi's sister, BIL and four boys up in New Hampshire.  I was anxious about my own ability to stay upright, my lack of ability to teach my daughter (I'm am not one of those parents who can ski with a kid between their legs.  Nor can I explain the mechanics of skiing, as I barely grasp them myself).  My son needs a helmet.  I'm gonna fall off the lift.  Oh my oh my.....  Once again, I really shouldn't have worried.  For one, my son needs zero help.  He is crazy good, fast, in control, and fearless for someone who is only three feet tall and been skiing three times in life.  My brother in law taught my daughter with patience and obvious skill - she had a great time.

My only rough spot of the day was when I took my son up the chair lift by myself.  He's a little guy, so he can't just sit down on the chairlift as it comes around.  You have to boost him up.  Well, between very very tired muscles, fumbling with my ski poles, etc. I didn't boost high enough.  Leaving him dangling by the armpits as the chair was lifting up for maybe two seconds, if that, before I got his bottom onto the seat.  He said to me, very reproachfully, "Mommy, you really scared me!!!"  I told him I was sorry, and he was fine now and of course I'd never drop him.  (On purpose, gulp).  He was quiet for a bit.  I asked him what was wrong,  "I don't think we should have come."  Is he tired?  No.  Upset he fell on his last run?  No.  Scared Mommy is gonna drop him?  Beat of silence.  Yes.  Oh buddy.  I tried to assure him we'd get off the lift just fine.  As we neared the tower I waved so frantically at the attendant, signaling that I wanted the lift slowed, that she nearly stopped it for us.  I was not gonna drop my kid - even if I had to face plant in the snow, I was gonna put him down ski side down.  We got off perfectly.  Even so, at the end of the run he said he was tired and retired to the snow pile to play. Until Jedi reappeared when he immediately demanded to be taken back out.  Clearly Mommy isn't to be trusted.

Lesson learned?  You are going to let your kids down sometimes, and you need to let it go.  

Second lesson?  While picking up a 40+ lb child onto a moving seat, ditch the ski poles.

Little buddy safely installed in the chairlift with Daddy

Aside from the obvious physical challenges of this weekend (long run plus skiing equals unbelievable pain in legs), it was a hard week as a mom.  Not hard maybe, but bittersweet.  I was simultaneously proud and sad watching my four-year old son streak down the mountain.  My daughter has recently really started to read well.  She read me "Good Night Moon" Saturday night.  Remembering reading that book to her as a baby made me cry.  It was only moments ago I was marveling that my baby son could roll over - now he's tackling summit trails with his 16 year old cousin.  How does this happen?  It's a pain that every parent knows... wanting your children to grow up and flourish, but hold them back against your heart at the same time.

Of course the answer is to "run the mile I'm in".  The mile I'm in is having smart, sassy little runner chick for a daughter and a cuddly little daredevil for a son.  The mile I'm in is working at a job that, if I don't 100% love, I mostly enjoy, has great benefits and serves our family very well.   The mile I'm in is being able to run long distances, but still feeling wrecked afterwards.  The mile I'm in only involves green level ski trails.  I miss my babies.  I wish I was a better runner and athlete. There are an infinite number of things that I look back on and can't have back.  There are even more things that I hope for in the future.  But for now, I need to look around, appreciate what I have, and just run.

Any other advice for me at t-minus 3 weeks to my first half marathon?

P.S.  Huge congrats to my coach Sheriff for PRing the New York Central Park Marathon yesterday.  There's nothing quite so satisfying as knowing your coach is just as sore as you are.  And also watching Downton Abbey to recover.....

Giveaway! Swim Bike Sell

So I know that everyone is jealous of my not one, but TWO new pairs of shoes this week.  Girls love shoes, right?  (actually, short of athletic and outdoor shoes I've never really had that "girl gene", but still.  Never waste a good cliche).

Regular running shoes.

Trail running shoes.  Completely different.

Don't despair.  Because you know who has LOTS and LOT of shoes?

They also have everything else triathlon-related that you could ever think of.  

• Bike saddles?  Got'em.  
• Chic running gear?  Yup.  
• The tri-bike you've been saving up for?  Affirmative.  
• Race tattoos for your kiddos? Ya darling!  
• The wetsuit you just realized you need for your season opener?  You betcha!

Me sporting my SBS wetsuit at the Title 9 Sprint last year.
I make rubber look good.

Run and created by the intrepid SwimBikeMom, Meredith Atwood, and fellow triathlete Ansley Sebring (Sweet Red), Swim Bike Sell is giving away a $25 gift card to one of my readers!  It could be you!  Enter below to win.  And yes, as their name implies, you can also sell your unwanted gently used gear there as well to pay for that race registration to get new goodies.

What would triathlon(etc.) goodie would you get if money was no object??

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Official Rules:

• NO PURCHASE NECESSARY
• You must be 18 years of age or older and is limited to U.S. residents only
• The sweepstakes will run from 2/19/14 at 12:00am EST through 2/23/14 at 12:00am EST
• In order to enter to win you must use the Rafflecopter to earn entries.
• The winner will receive a $25 electronic gift card valued at $25.
• The number of eligible entries received determines the odds of winning.
• The winner will be selected at random on 2/24/14 and will be notified via email. Winner will have 48 hours to respond to email  If the prize winner forfeits or does not claim the prize, prize will be re-awarded, in Sponsor’s sole discretion.
• All entrants are bound by the official rules of this giveaway.
• Winner must be able to prove identity and provide a legal mailing address.
• All entries are verified by myself.
• VOID WHERE PROHIBITED BY LAW